My Inner Monkey

I Must Have This.

2007-01-29T10:07:00.000-05:00

My favorite sport...remastered. In the words of Ali G..."Check it."

http://www.vurtego.com/

Creativity in the Workplace

2007-01-23T14:52:00.000-05:00

The subject of my presentation: BORAT'S FIRST DAY OF WORK IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Although, I was not allowed to use this photo in my presentation, I was nonetheless, overjoyed by the whole experience. It started like this; My boss's boss says, "Lori, you're creative, right?" Me: "Um...I guess." Boss's boss: Here, do this. The "this" was a poster for explaining business procedures in The United States for a big Human Resources meeting happening in Tampa this week. Everyone got a different country. People were spying, cheating, copying....I had to lock my poster up. Okay, it wasn't that dramatic, but I wasn't allowed to show anyone. And I have to say, it was pretty freakin' cute. And more importantly, I scored major kudos with my boss's boss (who basically scares the hell out of me).

In other news...I did a staged reading at the York Theatre last night with all these Broadway/TV actors. It was fun...and now I wanna be a Broadway TV actor. Chuggin' Chuggin....

And I'm sick. My dad is sick. And my marine brother is sick somewhere in the Mojave desert.

Question of the day: To watch the State of the Union Address and spit at the screen, or have a cold pill and watch Idol...oh decisions, decisions.

And finally, for those of you who actually read this thing: my apologies for taking so long to post.
XO

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2006-12-21T12:05:00.000-05:00

There is just something about Charlie Brown and the little tree that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now, enough of that. I have big plans for 2007, here they are:

1. Land a role on Broadway.
2. Land a role on a soap.
3. Finish my play, BOB.
4. Get an agent worth a damn.
5. A trip to LA.
6. Get in better shape.
7. Start singing again.
8. Peace on earth.

(Not necessarily in that order).

I am off to OH tomorrow for a few days. Happy Holidays to everyone!

Pictures From Costa Rica.

2006-12-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

One word: AMAZING. TIME. Well, two.

Howler Monkey, Cabo Blanco Park

La Fortuna Waterfalls

Jan, Tide Pool, Montezuma

Sunset, Playa Manzanillo

Montezuma

River, Cloud Forest

The Drive

Our car

Moon, Montezuma

Going back. Right now.

Costa Rica Here I Come!

2006-11-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

Costa Rica, Puerto Quepos

I can't quite believe by Friday night, I will be there! Yippee Skip. My Deah has closed after 6 weeks, to great audiences, super reviews, and just a ton of fun. I couldn't have asked for more than that. Well...perhaps one of these casting/producing/agenty types that saw the show might cast me in a little sumthin' or allow me to audition so I can go to broadWAY. THEN, I really couldn't ask for more...The depression that I always get once a show closes (well, a good one anyway), always hits me after a few days, but hopefully by the time it does, I will already be a under a palm tree.

For now I sit in my little cubicle with my new cube-mate, Nat, who is an opera singer...I'd like to give a big shout-out to the artists all over the world that have to do stupid crap to pay their rent. Feel my love, y'all.

Opening Night, My Deah!

2006-11-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

My Deah Cast

Mark Waldrop and Jay Rogers

Maxwell Caulfield and Me

Geoffrey, Kevin, Me, and Jay

Okay, so I am a little late since we began previews October 13th. We have been extended for two weeks and (most of) the reviews have been great! The audiences are loving it. Here is the NY Times Review:

________________________________________
October 25, 2006
THEATER REVIEW | 'MY DEAH'
Tale of Woe Seems Like a Greek Tragedy
By CHARLES ISHERWOOD
“The mind of a beauty queen is a thing to fear!” This portentous phrase, which surely deserves some kind of immortality, is not, as you might guess, the tagline for a new reality show pitting Miss Maryland Crabcakes against Miss Wisconsin Dairy Belt in a fiendish catfight for a million bucks.

It’s a flavorful morsel of dialogue from John Epperson’s play “My Deah,” a lovably trashy spoof of a certain exalted Greek tragedy, in which a scorned woman sets about chicken-frying her own children to get even with the no-account man who done her wrong.

My Deah Hedgepeth, the determined heroine of Mr. Epperson’s cracked comedy, which opened last night at the June Havoc Theater in an Abingdon Theater Company production, is none other than Euripides’ vengeful Medea plunked down in Jackson, Miss., where swags of Spanish moss hide dirty deeds performed under the influence of sugary iced tea.

Mr. Epperson is well known downtown as Lypsinka, the voiceless drag star with an exclamation point for a last name. In his ingenious solo shows for his alter ego, Mr. Epperson has proved to be a savvy scavenger in the archives of camp, stitching together snippets of heavy-breathing movie dialogue with the rigor of a gene-splicing scientist, and lip-synching to the chaotic results with the histrionic abandon of a dozen assorted screen goddesses.

Although Lypsinka herself is absent from the stage in “My Deah,” Mr. Epperson brings the same deconstructive and reconstructive skills he uses to showcase that grande dame to his Mad magazine rewrite of Euripides. Wisely retaining the stark lineaments and basic dramatis personae of the original — the Greeks knew something about suspense and structure, after all — he has found clever Deep South analogues for the workings of fate that ruthlessly hem in our desperate heroine.

So, as Medea was not entirely at ease in her adopted home of Corinth, My Deah is an outcast of sorts in Jackson. She was, after all, Miss Louisiana State University when she fell in love with Gator Hedgepeth, the football hero from the college’s archrival, Ole Miss. Betraying her own and forever tarnishing her crown, she fled with Gator and settled in Mississippi, where she gave birth to her sons, Scooter and Skipper. Now she finds herself in a pretty pickle, for that rascal Gator has taken up with Simplicity Bullard, the governor’s daughter.

This information comes courtesy of the chorus members, just as helpfully chatty as in the original, who are My Deah’s regular bridge partners Mignon Mullen, Myrna Loy Seabrook and Brooksie Jones. They are left to cool their heels outside My Deah’s porch (affixed with Greek columns, of course, in Mark Simpson’s slightly tatty but efficient design) while trading insults with the lady of the house’s loyal “octoroon” servant, Mr. Epperson’s equivalent of Euripides’ nurse.
As the colorful names suggest, Mr. Epperson has eschewed regional realism in favor of chewy caricature, creating roles that give actors the opportunity to impart their personal recipes for honey-baked ham. Nancy Opel has the choicest cut — or rather cuts. She is a delight as My Deah, whom she portrays as a swaggering Barbara Stanwyck type, a cross between a velvet-tongued, coquettish belle and a snarling drill sergeant. But she is just as much fun, boasting an outrageously un-P.C. accent, as My Deah’s cackling helpmate.

Ms. Opel is not the only actor to juggle contrasting roles handily, either. I confess that I didn’t even recognize Kevin Townley and Geoffrey Molloy, who play Myrna Loy and Brooksie, when they doffed their wigs and heels to cavort with a football as My Deah’s doltish offspring.

Jay Rogers has only one role, but his deft mincing as the meddlesome Mignon, chief choral cheerleader, is performed with enough gusto for two. Maxwell Caulfield, game if a little tentative in the accent department as the disloyal Gator, and Michael Hunsaker, as a football coach tellingly conversant with the art of the supermodel, add some spice to the stew (and serve up a fair bit of beefcake to complement all the ham). Nor should I fail to mention the wonderfully dim Simplicity of Lori Gardner, her little brain squeezed to distraction by the tight ponytail flopping atop her head.

The whole is a dish more tangy than tasteful, certainly. Mr. Epperson fattens his sendup with winking allusions to a whole shelf of Southern Gothic literature, to the point that the dialogue sometimes suggests a word-search game for aficionados of Tennessee Williams, Carson McCullers, William Faulkner and the like. (If the name Anacleto, here assigned to a hermaphrodite witch doctor from the shantytown, rings a bell, you’ll probably enjoy harvesting all the in-jokes.) But it is also rich in less high-toned humor, lewd innuendos and horseplay, which the director, Mark Waldrop, accentuates rather too garishly.

In a program note Mr. Epperson describes the play’s oddly long process of creation and development. I must confess I found it simpler, sharper and more artful when I attended a reading a few years ago. Since then, there has been some degeneration, with Mr. Epperson’s original ingenuity swamped by unnecessary camp shenanigans.
The Greeks never had to worry about the development hell that plagues theater today as it does movies, and their plays were much the better for it, no doubt. Still, maybe even classics scholars could learn a thing or two from Mr. Epperson’s bawdy parody. The friend I took with me, no stranger to “Medea” productions, opined that this was the only treatment of the material she had seen in which the wronged woman’s offing of her own children actually seemed understandable.

Take that, Euripides.

MY DEAH
By John Epperson; directed by Mark Waldrop; sets and lighting by Mark Simpson; costumes by Ramona Ponce; sound by Matt Berman; production manager, Gabriel Hainer Evansohn; production stage manager, Kimothy Cruse; associate artistic director, Kim T. Sharp. Presented by the Abingdon Theater Company, Jan Buttram and Pamela Paul, artistic directors; Samuel J. Bellinger, managing director. At the June Havoc Theater, Abingdon Theater Arts Complex, 312 West 36th Street, Manhattan; (212) 868-4444. Through Nov. 12. Running time: 1 hour 30 minutes.
WITH: Nancy Opel (Lillie V./My Deah Hedgepeth), Maxwell Caulfield (Gator Hedgepeth), Peter Brouwer (Governor W. J. Bullard/Rufus Lacy), Lori Gardner (Simplicity Bullard), Michael Hunsaker (Coach), Geoffrey Molloy (Brooksie Jones/Skipper), Jay Rogers (Mignon Mullen) and Kevin Townley (Myrna Loy Seabrook/Scooter).

Wedding!

2006-10-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

Ryan and Nichole's Wedding, Charleston, SC, October 7, 2006

I was super delayed getting into Charleston on Friday. I left on a bus from Grand Central at 12:50 and didn't arrive in Charleston until 11 PM. I read, I texted, I met this semi-drunk couple from Maine and they showed me pictures of South Africa. Saturday morning my brother and I drove to where my mom and fam were staying in the beach house. I went for a run. The ocean was calm, the weather cool...it was just what I needed.

The private ring ceremony was very intimate and beautiful. The backdrop was a marsh on Magnolia Plantation, candles, and a dog as the ring bearer. Quite possibly the funniest and cutest thing I have ever seen. Then all the peeps arrived. The hall had ivy with flowers all over, candles, and the food was delicious and very southern. Mac and cheese, with your choice of topping: lobster, bacon, chives, crab meat, the rest: salads, roastbeef, asparagus, shrimp scampi with hot sausage. And the cake was raspberry chocolate with white buttercream/coconut icing. I hardly even minded the coconut. YUM. We danced, we were marry...and since both Nichole's brother and sister gave a toast...I felt compelled to give mine. It honored my brother and his new wife, it made people laugh...and cry, I guess all in all a great toast. Lots of people came up to me afterwards and even the caterers and DJ said how great it was. Pfew. And my brother said, "You're a dork." So I think I was successful. It was quite the day. Everyone who got up to say anything about Ry and Nichole just started crying...a true testament to how much they are loved.
PS: Aside from the bride, my mom had the best dress of the night. GORGEOUS.

TIRED

2006-10-04T10:32:00.000-04:00

From The Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport, NYC

Between working, rehearsing, and playing...I am wiped. Having a kickass time though. I saw the Bodies Exhibit this past weekend. UNBELIEVABLE. I went with a friend who is writing a futuristic play (in which I portray a nanoprobe and travel throughout a body). We learned a lot. Some of the exhibit was pretty intense. For example, these were all real bodies, and one had a fetus in it. There was actually a whole room, different stages of a fetus, a set of Siamese twins, premature babies...The display of the bodies was spectacular, you can see every muscle group, and how it reacts to motion. There was also a room with all blood vessels, which they dyed red and put under a black light, so you can see how many we actually have. The human body is a wonder. Truly. In some ways, it made be less afraid of death. I guess there was some controversy (aside from the obvious) that these bodies were all Asian. And would we embrace the exhibit in the same way if they were American? I would...cause I didn't even know that until the very end.

On a completely different note, I am seeing the Brazilian Girls tomorrow night! In conjuction with my Spanish theme. Livin' La Vida Loca!

AND my brother's wedding is this weekend in South Carolina. I am writing something for it, but the words might never come out of my mouth and I'll just shake my booty instead. :)

Absinthe!

2006-09-26T13:15:00.000-04:00

A Scene from Absinthe

On Saturday night, I reaffirmed that circus people scare me just a bit. Absinthe, a circus (freak) show playing in a tent on the South Street Seaport is oodles of weirdness and fun. I went because Julz said how amazing it was and how it also contained something that even put Julie in distress, which is no small task. I had also heard about said act via Mark Waldrop, the director of My Deah. Throughout the night, my friend and I were looking for "the hanky' act. As it turns out, they change up the acts, so instead we saw a Polish guy with a likeness for confetti, dislocate himself in between two tennis racquets. Entertaining, yes, but still disappointing that we were denied the hanky. Because I felt like I missed out, I had Mark reenact the entire thing (with clothes on)in rehearsal the next day. Basically, the woman starts off in a business suit and ends up stripping down until she is completely naked (all the while pulling a hanky out of different places on her person). Until...she stands there in the buff, looks around, bends over, and you guessed it, pulls the hanky out of her cooch (or as Julz calls it snatch). MY GOD. The show ends on a high note. With this Abercrombie-like model guy in jeans in a bathtub (with water), swinging into the rafters on these ropes. He splashes, he's hot, and even has a rubber ducky. Nice touch.

After that, my friend and I went to eat on the boardwalk. It is so beautiful down at the seaport right by the Brooklyn Bridge. We watched the salsa dancers for a while, which included a glamorous transgender with rhinestone sunglasses and fishnets and an eight year girl dancing like Beyonce. We got caught up in it all and danced for a while, got some ice cream, and passed out. Way too much stimulation.

Rehearsals Begin

2006-09-21T14:15:00.000-04:00

Maxwell Caulfield, Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2

We started rehearsal for My Deah! It's a hoot just like before. We have two new cast members, Maxwell Caulfield (meaningful sigh) and Peter Brouwer, who plays my daddy. We received a great mention in the New York Times last week, where Isherwood mentioned seeing a reading a while back and that he was looking forward to the production. Playbill and Theatremania are also beginning to promote the show. I am still working at Citigroup part-time while I am in rehearsals. Yeehaw.

Everyone Needs A Little Bit Of Clooney

2006-09-15T15:58:00.000-04:00

George Clooney at work.

He was at an Abingdon board members house last night for a Darfur benefit. The board member has always been a hero of mine. She's a hippy, her and her husband have the most amazing place I have ever seen downtown. So amazing that its been in magazines, etc...and entire rooftop, LOADED, and know George Clooney. They go on yachts with private crews. And they are so generous, which, if I were rich, I hope I would be like that too. And know George Clooney. Did I mention that?

Since it's rainy and I am sleepy, the easiest thing to write are some random quotes by my pal, Page that make me chuckle....

Well put a bow in my hair and send me to bed!

Response to me emailing him something gross: That just cost me two years on a couch somewhere.

Weekend

2006-09-11T14:40:00.000-04:00

...was a whirlwind. Friday Night I went to see La Boheme at the NY City Opera for $25 bucks. It is about time they offer some discounts for anything in Lincoln Center. It was wonderful, and for those of you who have seen RENT, yeah, pretty much the same story, with the exception that Mimi DIES in this version and then the curtains close. A little abrupt, but the music was incredible and made me want to start singing again. I would like to dedicate my evening at Lincoln Center to Julz, who is pretty much obsessed with opera.

Saturday morning, I went to playwright's group and had some revisions of my play, Bob read. I am getting closer, but far from where I want this play to end up. Great, useful feedback though. Left the group early for a rehearsal for a reading I am in tonight, worked on a monologue, and then had a costume fitting for My Deah. The costumer has a background in dressing drag queens, so we should be all set. Not that I'm a dragqueen, but I am pretty much the only one who is not in this show. I think we will be in a good hands. After that went to the gym and watched the women's final in tennis. Pretty decent match, although I would have liked to of seen Justine take the beauty queen to a 5th set.

Sunday, I saw my old roommates and now have about 100 beanie babies back in my possession. What the hell was I thinking when I started collecting those? My friends will be getting beanie babies for bdays and xmas....until they are 50. Went to a cast party, hit my head REALLY hard on a cabinet (no, I wasn't looped), still have a bump, and watched Roddick get his arse kicked by the Federer Express. Another tennis season comes to an end. The US Open felt like it lasted about two months. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

At midnight last night, I awoke to around 200 Hell's Angels driving down 42nd street. I assume to honor the victims of 9/11. I watched the De Niro special last night and it was really well done. Unlike the asses on ABC, who decide to air something that places blame instead of honoring those who died. And what's worse they blame the Clinton Administration. I am not even going to go there today.

My favorite quote of the day by my friend, Schmoe, who was responding to my email about my split toenail...All I know is I got a big toenail that's big enough to show a movie on.

She's Not Black!

2006-09-06T09:26:00.000-04:00

...Contrary to what my friend was saying. Actually she does have a toupee though which is kind of exciting. This post is really for Julie because I know she cares so much. ;)

I was suppose to go to the US Open again last night...but rain, rain. Over the weekend, I did watch Agassi's last match. I cried, people in the stands cried, and Julie laughed. We all know she is a twisted mother fucker. (ha)

The long weekend was nice (aside from massive downpours). I spent most of it in CT, spending time in nature. At one point around 11 pm, in the pitch black (and indeed, there were blackouts in some areas of CT) we realized we were lost and Carl (we met he and his wife in their driveway), who has lived in a haunted house for the past 11 years (creepy), drove us home. He was from Atlanta originally. There is something about a southern accent that just makes you trust and want to have a piece of pie.

I also saw Foggy Bottom over the weekend, a sassy, political romp that is in previews at the Abingdon. Check it out. It's hysterical!

Hey, it's already Wednesday! I think we should skip Monday every week!

Nine hours later...

2006-08-31T09:47:00.000-04:00

James Blake, US Open 2006

Roger Federer, US Open 2006
(I will post my pics tomorrow.)

...We came back to Manhattan. After seeing Federer, Mauresmo, Nadal, Blake, Bjorkman, Serena,Phillippoussis...and my favorite, Schnugg. The cuter half of a doubles team, from the US. How can you not love saying that name? It was pretty amazing watching all these top seeds stomp on little babies, like Wang. Some good playing between Blake and Moraco though. Blake won in straight sets but he was working for it. He has this group called the "J-Club" and they rally everyone in the stands. Pretty funny. Blake is from Yonkers. As he was being interviewed he thanked the crowd for their support and to his J-Club, adding that Heineken (who is a US Open sponsor this year) had probably contributed to how vocal they were. Pretty funny. Another highlight was Scoville Jenkins, a down to earth, youngster from the USA vs. Bjorkman. Again, Bjorkman clobbered him, but Scoville (I mean is that name for real?) will definitely be a contender in the years to come. Go, Sco! I was saying that as I was falling asleep last night. As we were leaving I spotted this ring just sitting on a post. Was it real? What will I do with the money? Should I turn it in? After doing numerous tests at home, it was decided that the band is sterling silver, but the big ass diamond is more than likely fake. However, my friend is taking it to a jewelers to be sure. Here are my questions: did it fall off someone, drop and someone pick it up and lay it on the post? Did a woman break up with her man and leave the ring? Was I on candid camera? An interesting end, to a fun-filled, PACKED, day.

What is that?

2006-08-28T12:48:00.000-04:00

A Turkey Buzzard

Yes, that's right folks. Imagine being in a graveyard, it's a gray day, rainy slightly, when one of these flies over you. Their wing span is 6 feet long...and they eat dead things. Eight of them were perched on this very strange looking tree. It was the set of Halloween 10. My friend said, "That is a buzzard," and I said, "but it looks like a turkey."...hence we were both right. There are some odd creatures in this world. I am sure there will be a plethora in Costa Rica.

My friend and I went to Cold Spring, NY over the weekend. We stayed in this B&B for free because a couple of people my friend knows couldn't use it and it was too late to cancel. The food was amazing. And it usually costs $228 bucks a night PLUS we got a $50 dinner voucher and free breakfast. Pretty kickass. I love free. Such a cute town, did a little shopping, hiked a bit, read and slept a lot. Man, I was tired. And I have decided that I want to go kayaking. It was a big activity in this town. The weather wasn't fantastic, so we decided to save it for another time.

Man, I have the Monday Blues. So tired and it's rainy out. I am going to the US Open on Wednesday, so that is keeping me truckin'. Sweet. And the fact that we have Labor Day off. Yipeekayyay.

Playwrights Retreat

2006-08-14T13:46:00.000-04:00

Super weekend. And hey, I put an ending on my play two hours before we left! Amd I think it actually worked! Obviously, there is some connection of dots that needs to be done, but all in all I am pretty pleased. We read ten plays altogether, swam, watched a meteor shower, which was spectacular and a bit surreal. It made me think about how insignificant we are in comparison to what's out there. I have also decided I want to camp more. I get such a feeling of peace when I am outdoors. Oh, and spending the weekend with Rugby, the wonder dog, who tries to eat shadows, always makes me laugh. Great food, good friends, it's like a commercial for happy.

I talked to my Gram yesterday...it was her 81st birthday. She is AMAZING. Please, please let me look and act like her when I get older.

Well, Monday, Monday. Yeehaw.

ART

2006-08-09T12:04:00.000-04:00

At Lincoln Center

I love this piece of art. I just connect with it...maybe because I am a water sign. How's that for an explanation. I went to the Dada exhibit over the weekend. Because it kicks butt that I have a friend that works at MOMA. What a strange movement, some would argue that it wsn't even a movement. I hadn't really studied it when I took an art class in college. It began as a response to WW1, that part was interesting...soldiers made out of wood, instead of actual limbs, arms/legs were made up of metal and light bulbs, etc. A very timely exhibit to have a rebirth right now. However, the art as a whole was difficult for me to connect with because most of it seemed to me to be pretty random. Art Resources describe Dada as this:

Dada began as an anti-art movement, in the sense that it rejected the way art was appreciated and defined in contemporary art scenes. Founded in Zurich, Switzerland, the movement was a response to World War I. It had no unifying aesthetic characteristics but what brought together the Dadaists was that they shared a nihilistic attitude towards the traditional expectations of artists and writers. The word Dada literally means both "hobby horse" and "father", but was chosen at random more for the naive sound. What After finding its origins in Zurich, the Dada movement spread the Berlin, Cologne, Hanover, Paris, some parts of Russia, and New York city.

Because of another friend in a high place, I also had the opportunity to see The Stone Carver over the weekend at SoHo Rep. I loved it...especially for Dan Lauria, of TV's The Wonder Years. He was amazing. It also stars Jim Iorio, who has done a few plays at Abingdon.

AND...I saw Marc Anthony in Juntos En Concierto at Jones Beach...Jan and I went to begin our preparation for our trip to Costa Rica. It was safe to say that we were the only Gringos there. At one point Marc Anthony did say, "Let's go METS!" In which Jan and I cheered loudly...because we do like the METS, but mostly because he said something in English. The concert also featured an artist from Spain and one from Mexico (who was a lot like our own, Barry Manilow...or as a friend of mine calls him, "BarelyManEnough"...LOL). The trumpets blared, the ocean was gorgeous, and Marc's dance moves were HOT. I kept looking for J Lo. I thought I saw her at one point (although this girls butt was small) with my binocs...she supposedly comes to all his concerts. It was a fantastic night. And now I have to learn the salsa.

For The Love Of God Why Is It So Hot?

2006-08-04T10:26:00.000-04:00

Best Sign EVER.

I have been MIA. I finally got a job. It was a little scary there for a bit. I am working at Citigroup, where I have no access to hotmail, which makes for a very long day if I'm not busy. No IM either. Oh, the torture. At least I can blog and it's cold in here, thank Jesus, because it is about 1,000 degrees outside right now and I'm not kidding. It's like being trapped in the backseat of a hot car with no windows open. Oh and when a city bus passes by with all their heat and fumes, it's pretty much like your in hell. Yesterday I almost burst into flames. It just shouldn't be 92 degrees before 9 AM. That's just wrong. In honor of Al Gore and his movie about global warming, my roommate bought an energy saving lightbulb. It is suppose to last seven years. Hey, we all have to do our part.

I went to the Doc (i.e. Cutie Patoody) yesterday and he PEELED SKIN OFF MY FINGERS. OW. I told him I knew he was going to do that and he responded I can't help it. It was old skin anyway, but still pretty freakin' gross. He asked is I was surviving the heat and I said, Barely, and he said, Yeah, you look pretty sweaty and gross. (Sigh) The report is good from my therpist and Dr. Cutes. Still alot of work to keep it good tho.

Anyhoo, I am heading to the beach this weekend to see Marc Anthony! I need a little Latin in my life. I will also be working on my play, BOB in hopes of getting it done for a playwrighting retreat in the Berkshires next weekend. We'll see.

Party on, dudes.

Central Park, July 4th, The Row Boat Tour

2006-07-20T18:13:00.000-04:00

-------------------------------------------------------------
I got my stitches out today! ...And my fingers are still tight. But at least now they aren't itchy. I am either playing cards tonight (clumsily) or eating dinner with friends. Slowly getting back to the land of the living. Hopefully, I will be starting a temp job on Monday and begin saving for my New Zealand trip. And start auditioning and singing a bit. I was called in for an audition for a show in Florida, but it conflicts with the upcoming production of, My Deah.

Big News! I was (partly) responsible for getting a $45,000 grant from the City for sound equipment for Abingdon Theatre Company. Yahoo!

My Doc

2006-07-13T17:26:00.000-04:00

For all of you who don't quite believe that he is not off the set of "General Hospital"...here ya go!

I mean, come on. It's ridiculous. And I am grateful. If anyone needs to see me almost pass out, or scream, or cry (not to mention seeing the insides of my fingers...I am glad it is him. Today, he actually hyper-extended my middle finger, which, uh, hurt, but we were both pretty pleased. This finger was far from straight before (bent at about a 25 degree angle at my knuckle). Dr. Barron thinks I should be able to use the look of my paw somehow...he suggested at an audition. Perhaps I will bellow out The Hills Are Alive in some studio somewhere. Gimpy, the musical. It could happen. I am thinking more sci-fi though.

Ouch.

2006-07-12T11:13:00.000-04:00

Ouch.

I DON'T MEAN TO YELL, BUT CAPS IS EASIER AT THE MOMENT. TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY OF THERAPY...THINGS WENT AS WELL AS TO BE EXPECTED SINCE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE MOVED MY FINGERS SINCE THE SURGERY. THAT IS UNTIL MY BEAUTIFUL DOCTOR CAME IN...I DON'T USE THE WORD, "BEAUTIFUL" LOOSELY. HE IS GLORIOUS. BUT I CAN NEVER REALLY ENJOY HIS BEAUTY BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE HIM HE CAUSES ME PAIN. I SAY "OW,' BUT TO NO AVAIL. HE ASKS IF I AM STILL CONSCIOUS...I MURMUR YES. THEN HE PATS ME ON THE BACK, WHICH IS MY FAVORITE PART. AN HOUR AND ONE VICODIN LATER I AM FEELING A BIT BETTER AND GETTING READY TO DO MORE EXERCISES. I AM TRYING TO FIND WAYS TO MAKE THE MOST OF MY NEW "DOWN TIME." GOING FROM REALLY REALLY BUSY...TO, WELL, NOT BUSY AT'TALL...IS WELL, WEIRD.

I SAW THE COLOR PURPLE LAST NIGHT. (THE PERFORMANCE WAS A BENEFIT FOR THE ACTORS FUND). GUUURL. THAT SINGING COMES FROM THE GUT. THE SHOW COMES IN JUST UNDER 3 HOURS, BUT THE SINGING IS SO KICKASS IT DOESN'T MATTER. I BELIEVE THE CRITICS LABELED IT, "SPRAWLING." IT COULD OF BEEN MUCH WORSE...THEY HANDLED THE MATERIAL NICELY I THOUGHT. ITS JUST A SHAME THAT THEY CAN'T SPEND MORE TIME ON THE REALLY IMPORTANT MOMENTS, BUT THEY HAVE WAY TOO MUCH GROUND TO COVER.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. AND SPECIAL LOVE TO MY BEST PAL, JULZ, WHO BROUGHT ME MONKEY SOCKS AND, AS ALWAYS, A TREMENDOUS SUPPORT TO ME.

Surgery Tomorrow!

2006-07-06T22:51:00.000-04:00

Well, third times a charm. I am having surgery on my right hand tomorrow-to relieve tightness and straighten my fingers. I am a little anxious, but am trying not to think about it. And I am trying to get everything done while I have two workable hands. Elvis And Juliet has closed and my job at Abingdon has ended as of today. This is the start of a new chapter I guess. Here are some pics from Elvis And Juliet:

Fred Willard, Me, David Rasche

Me and David Rasche

Justin, Me, Christy

The Cast!

Non-Stop

2006-06-22T18:17:00.000-04:00

My pal David Rasche, as Uncle Joey and Moi in Elvis and Juliet

Dudes,
It's been so busy, that I feel like I haven't actually talked to my friends in three months. I am here, but I am not here. Aside from doing seven shows a week, I have a stranger, who is a doctor and leaves the seat up, living in my apartment for two months, I am training someone in development, while taking over a marketing job...and tomorrow is my birthday. I had a good cry last night, which relieved some frusteration. I attribute it to some family concerns and just being tired. I hate that I have become so serious lately. Any ideas on how to lighten up? I am driving myself cooky. Speaking of cooky...come see Elvis and Julet. The critics are eating it up...(and spitting us out). But who cares what they think?

Previews!

2006-06-02T10:46:00.000-04:00

Elvis and Juliet

We had our final dress rehearsal of Elvis and Juliet last night. The audience ate it up! Thank Jesus. I had no idea how the audience would respond. Continuing to have rehearsal, probably throughout previews. Our press opening is June 7th. It's a summer souffle. And maybe just what New York needs right now. My favorite moment last night was when David Rasche was attempting to recite Shakepeare to me and couldn't get it, so he took a drink of his bourbon and just kept at it. There were a few time I wish I had a drink on stage last night, but all in all, I felt groovy.

Work Work

2006-05-09T16:21:00.001-04:00

Well folks, My Deah has closed and I have approximately one week to work on two scripts: one for Elvis and Juliet and the other for a reading I am doing at The York Theatre. I am particularly excited because tonight I get to eat Mexican, drink brew, and watch IDOL with my friend Julz...that is after she cleans up a dead pigeon that is sprawled out on her roof. Then I am going to a friends party, which will entail saying Hi and maybe grabbing a munchie. I am making a vow to work work work the rest of the week, as I am going to Rhineback this weekend for massive R&R. I will try to think up something weird or odd for tomorrow's post, as this one seems incredibly mundane. It is what it is.

Whew, Weekend.

2006-05-01T16:33:00.000-04:00

From a workshop of, My Heart In A Suitcase

I am suppose to be about 12 years old in this picture. Hee. I just came acrossed this on Artspower's website. I am also all over their material for their production of, Anastasia, a role that I originated. Not the princess.

The weekend was busy busy. My mom, gram, and ma's friend, Jeannie were in town. I had four shows, a photocall, a cast party, and a trip on the Staten Island Ferry. Now I think I am getting sick. I have two days off from the show, so I am going to attempt to go to the gym and steam all the toxins out of my being.

Stress

2006-04-28T13:35:00.000-04:00

Overwhelmed. With Good. With Bad. With Everything. This picture sent to me by my friend, Phil in LA is mucho appropriate.

Words To Live By

2006-04-25T10:21:00.000-04:00

Kurt Vonnegut's MIT Graduation Speech

Ladies and gentlemen:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But
you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp
now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really
looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed
your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4:00 p.m. on some idle
Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people
who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in
doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to
do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when
they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe
you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate
yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of
what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should
hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the
older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were
young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will
philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize
that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,
and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one
might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look
85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen

We Open Tonight!

2006-04-21T12:37:00.000-04:00

Last night's Final Dress Rehearsal was such a jolt. I think every actor gets to a point in rehearsal where they think they suck. Mark, the director, and John, the playwright have seen us do it so many times that they don't really laugh anymore and they don't just laugh to be nice and blow smoke up our butt. So the run in the afternoon was crickets. Anyhoo, it was absolutely thrilling when people (all invited friends) were laughing and clapping. So it IS funny. Thank Jesus. My friend's were there: Gene, Jen, Kit, Carole (who will be playing my mom in Elvis & Juliet), Michael, Hugh...it was a loving, complimentary bunch, and I just had the best time. Even though my thong is chaffing my butt crack. Tada. Amd here is the latest article from Playbill!

My Deah — Medea Spoof with Opel and Batt — Begins Off-Broadway Run April 21

By Andrew Gans
21 Apr 2006

My Deah, John Epperson's new comedy, begins its limited engagement at the Dorothy Strelsin Theatre April 21.

Presented by The Abingdon Theatre Company and inspired by Euripides' Medea, the Epperson work will play through May 7. Bryan Batt and Nancy Opel co-star in the comedy, which features direction by When Pigs Fly's Mark Waldrop.

Opel stars in the title role with Batt as Gator. The cast also includes Todd Butera, Lori Gardner, Michael Hunsaker, Geoffrey Molloy, Jay Rogers and Kevin Townley.

My Deah, according to press notes, "spotlights Gator Hedgepeth, a former Mississippi football star, and his plans to abandon his wife, My Deah – an ex-beauty queen from Louisiana with a penchant for a gossip-filled bridge game – to marry Simplicity Bullard, the daughter of the corrupt, one-armed Governor Bullard. When My Deah confronts her card-dealing friends (and Governor Bullard) and she lays out her plans for revenge…y’all just might could die laughin’!"

The creative team for the production includes Mark Simpson (set and lighting design), David Kaley (costume design) and Matt Berman (sound design).

A graduate of the Juilliard School, Nancy Opel's Broadway credits include Fiddler on the Roof, Urinetown, Triumph of Love, Ring Round the Moon, Getting Away with Murder, Sunday in the Park with George, Anything Goes and Evita. Off-Broadway, the singer-actress has been seen in All in the Timing, Mere Mortals, Lives of the Saints, Hundreds of Hats, Don Juan in Chicago and Personals. Opel's screen credits include "The Ice Storm," "Second Skin," "Marcix," "Law & Order," "Ryan's Hope" and "One Life to Live."

Bryan Batt was most recently on Broadway in the revival of La Cage aux Folles. His other theatre credits include Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast; Monty, the disco DJ, in Saturday Night Fever; the Cat in the Hat in Seussical the Musical; Sir Percy in Frank Wildhorn's The Scarlet Pimpernel; as well as principal roles in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Starlight Express and Cats. The actor-singer-dancer also played Joe Gillis opposite Betty Buckley's Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard and has appeared Off-Broadway in Forbidden Broadway and Jeffrey. Batt has also been busy raising funds for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

My Deah plays Wednesdays-Saturdays at 7:30 PM with matinees Saturdays at 2 PM and Sundays at 3 PM. The Dorothy Strelsin Theatre is located within the Abingdon Theatre Arts Complex at 312 West 36th Street. Tickets, priced at $19, are available by calling (212) 868-4444 or by visiting www.smarttix.com.

Hoppy Easter

2006-04-16T20:07:00.000-04:00

My Easter: consisted of 20 minutes of gym, rehearsal, in which my friend Kevin (who plays Myrna Loy in My Deah) said, when referring to my ass, "It's like two gumdrops under a cocktail napkin," LMAO, costume fitting (oh boy...I'm talking blue eye shadow and iridescent pink lipstick, and of course, a halter top), beer and soychips, computer and now The West Wing (which I will probably cry all the way through-John Spencer's, "Leo" is put to rest and, on a completely different note, The Sopranos.

Why is it that on Easter (and Christmas) people feel like they can dress their kids up in ridiculous garb in the name of the Father? Way too much pink on the streets.

Revisiting the 1980s with Julz

2006-04-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

ATARI-"COMBAT"

After watching, teenagers sing Queen on American Idol, and eating Chipotle and drinking El Presidente, the BEST beer in the world (I discovered it in the Dominican Republic), and playing Julz's Sony PSP something something video game, which scared me, by the way, as I was tubing along a nice river and was suddenly eaten by an alligator 5 times my size, these graphics were so good, I actually felt like I was getting bitten, and then we played Atari. I realize that was an enormous run-on sentence, but I couldn't decide where to put a period. Period. Well, Julie and I were laughing so hard we were crying. The idea of "Combat" (if you've never played) is that you are trying to kill each other. Foreign concept, right? I am one tank and Julie is is the other. You have a triggor and bullets and you try to shoot your opponent toget a point. Whoever receives the most points by the end of the time (you don't really know how much time you have, you just start blinking...and then you stop) wins. Julz shot me, my tank would spin, it would stop-facing the wrong direction, before I got my barrings, she would shoot me again and I would spin, stopping in the wrong direction...this just kept going for at least 6 points (To Julz, of course). This was the funniest thing I have witnessed in a very long time.

Everythang.

2006-04-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Rehearsals are going very well. They crude, they are rude and we are lovin' it. Nancy Opel and Bryan Batt are SUPER. Nancy even brought me cottage cheese they other day. Suddenly, I am addicted to this cottage cheese with fruit. It's cheap and I guess it's good for you. So far the pineapple one is the best. They have one with raisins. Raisins scare me. Bryan plays my love interest in the play...and I do mean my, since he is using me for my money (in the play of course...GOD KNOWS I don't have money in real life). Altho, I want to kiss my tax guy right now for getting me refunds...including one from Oregon (where I did No Exit). This money is spoken for, and has been for, well, about a year. Anyhoo, work includes grantwriting and thank you letters for money we are getting because of the grande Appeal mailing...and the occasional sing-a-long, which occurs usually around 4 pm. 4 pm I have discovered is a hard hour for me. I am either crabby, tired, or giddy. I always fall into one of those categories at that magic hour.

My friend, T, went under the knife today. His pancreas needed a visit. He is in recovery and doing fine. I, too, will be under the knife again. No organs are involved. My paw will be operated in July. Thank you, Sir Druggie.

Oh, New York.

2006-03-28T21:26:00.000-05:00

Where else can you see a woman rollerblading, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette at the same time? WHILE simultaneously, in the same block (and I am not kidding), someone throwing up...all before 10 a.m. Yeah. I am ready for a palm tree, an ocean, and a Corona. Seriously. Between the American Express Grant and the Annual Appeal Campaign, which consists of 2,500 pieces of mail (not including inserts), I want out. Rehearsals start next week for My Deah. And as always, worried about the oh, holy rent. My, does the time fly.

I'm Back!

2006-03-25T19:37:00.000-05:00

From The Flower Show in Northampton, MA

Northampton was a great trip. Went to a spa, ate great food, browsed the town, good times.

My bestest pal, Julie fixed my blog...so people could actually see my posts. I am in Brooklyn now in Julz' spacious place stuffing myself with pizza and beer. Heading over to a HOUSE in a few minutes for a little partay. I just don't go to houses anymore and I am pretty excited. It has been quite a week at work preparing for a 2,500 piece mailing. I have 42 papercuts on my hands. I slept in until 11:30 today, went to the gym and now I feel a bit better. Just drained lately. And ready for some warm weather. I start rehearsals in a week and boy, I get to do some crazy things in that show. Hee. But right now I want a tan and to be ten pounds lighter. This is a bit of a stream of consiousness blog...sorry. Anyhoo, I have returned to blog land and my bro is back on the ship coming back to the States. Life is good.

Photos from Ry and Me

2006-03-08T21:30:00.000-05:00

My bro and I took these pics:

Ry's Pic

My pic from the flower show, Northampton, MA

Had a great, relaxing weekend in MA. Jury Duty Monday and Tuesday. Talk about all walks of life. I managed to dodge both cases. I am pretty proud of that. ;) Back to the grind at work and I can officially say that the NEA (National Endowment for the Arts) is kicking my ass. Is it Friday yet?

A Note about the Oscars: Boring and Tired are the adjectives that come to mind. Where did the excitement go? Did all the Brokeback Mountain hype back fire? Are the decisions political? It was a tough crowd...it's okay, John.

How Is It Only Tuesday?

2006-02-28T13:56:00.000-05:00

A Frightening Picture of Me from, Among Friends

My Co-Star, Venida

Me Taking A Break on Set

I had a great weekend with my mom. We went to see The Light In The Piazza, shopped till we dropped, literally, ate delicious food. It was a real treat! I was pretty spoiled...and now its back to the reality with my 99 cent pizza slice for lunch.

Last night, I went with my friend, Michael, to a bar called, "Therapy" to celebrate his birthday. The drag queen, who was dressed as Liza Minelli at the time, dragged him up on stage and gave our table around of shots. For some reason, I found all of this hysterical. And I wasn't even drunk. We stayed out rather late and I am now about to fall asleep as I type this. ZZZZZZZZZZZ...

The "O" in Olympics stands for...OUCH.

2006-02-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

Another One Bites The Dust

Every time I turned on the TV this weekend I saw some horrific accident...Ice Dancing being by far the worst. Three couples in a row. Dragging each other down...literally. The one woman who got dropped and then proceded to bounce (and of course, the continues replays of it) made my ass hurt.

And someone please define the term: Twizzle. It reminds me of cherry Twizzlers. Which makes me laugh.

The Italian couple (after falling the night before and just staring at each other afterward on the ice) refused to speak to each other before skating last night. I am convinced that she is a drag queen. After they skated, what I thought a very frigid routine, they hugged, they cried, etc. Her partner, this poor guy, was sobbing off the ice afterward...Could you imagine being in any form of a relationship with this woman? She is nuts. And a drag queen.

Then in another brief moment, I turned on the TV to see this woman overturn her bobsled and skid on her head at 75 mph. Snow and ice aren't for wimps, thats fer sho'.

I had a day off yesterday, which was pure bliss...having gotten up at 7 am on Sunday, took the train to CT, and shot the rest of the film (one scene, which was outside...burrr) and it's a wrap!

CRAB

2006-02-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

I am one. Hard day: Grant writing and working on the Annual Appeal Letter (i.e. asking for money in a kind, exciting way). This weekend: Audience Services, Filming, maybe an audition, a friend's show, a movie, and dinner. Whew. Since I am fried....do the this...oh, come on, its fun.

You can make your own Johari Window AND see what people have said about me. It doesn't give you any negative choices, so don't worry.

I stole it from Julie. Who stole it from someone else.
Peace and Love.

Yahoo!

2006-02-14T10:58:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

I was asked to be a reader (read with people that are auditioning) for the upcoming play, My Deah. It is a southern version on the Greek tragedy, Medea. Very wacky. John Epperson is the playwright, Mark Waldrop is directing, starring Nancy Opal and Bryan Batt. Towards the end of the day, they were discussing how they hadn't found anyone to play, "Simplicity." They were going to call the original girl, but knew she was in LA. Kim, my pal, sent a note to the director about me auditioning for it, the director whispered, "She's too pretty." This is when my great pal, Jan, shook her head and said, "No, she's not." They turned to me and said, "You want to read for it?" I said, "Right now?!" And the casting director said, "Well, we're all sitting here." I was immediately nervous...they decided to see the girl who was auditioning for it before me, so I had a bit of prep. The casting director said, "Take off your boots, take off your jacket." Without even questioning, I did. I went in and had a truly out-of-body experience. I was in a zone. I was spanking myself! It was nuts. I wasn't playing it "safe." People were laughing. Mark said, "That was very funny." I said, "Thanks." And I left. I am sure if I had more time to prepare, I'd have mucked it up. Anyway, I am psyched, I was told last night that I got the part.

BlahBlahBlah

2006-02-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

From the film, Among Friends

I am doing a reading of, Informed Consent, by Richard Brockman on Monday, which is mysteriously like an ER episode. I have my assistant directing test on Saturday, then playwright's group, then audience services, then a talkback and then audience services for the evening show. Whew. This week I had a Nordstrom's Lingerie callback and because I think I booked it...I probably didn't. ...And a go-see for Women's Health Magazine. Hoping that a director I just worked for will hook me up with new theatrical agents. I just feel unmotivated right now. I need a warm beach and a palm tree. Episodes of Project Runway and American Idol are keeping me afloat this week.

Good News!

2006-01-31T15:04:00.000-05:00

I love this picture. It doesn't pertain to anything except it makes me think of my grandparents lake and childhood and simplicity and happiness.

On with the good news: My brother is leaving Iraq in two weeks! Nicole (his fiance) talked to him last night. He goes on to Africa, but assures that he will be out of danger. I was actually searching for him on the web and found someone's blog (who is over in Iraq) who wrote about him and his troops...saying Ry is a "great guy" etc. He should be back in the states by early May.

In other news, my friend just had her CD release party in LA. So proud of her. We did Grease together in PA. Check out her band, Neverwonder.

Peace and love on a cold rainy day in NYC.

I'm Alive.

2006-01-27T14:09:00.000-05:00

My GOD. I could not get well. I was down for the count from Thursday until Monday...and am just now getting over a cough. We are talking fever, aches, phelgm (I don't know if that is how you spell that word, but that spelling makes me smile, so it stays), cough, snot, and on and on. I don't remember being that sick in quite some time. I lost some weight, so that was a bonus. Anyhoo, I am back at work. December Fools opens tonight at Abingdon. I saw a dress rehearsal last night and it is a good one. One of the actresses in particular is stellar. She gives credence that acting is about technique. I also spoke to the scenic designer, who had directed me in a play called, Bruno Hauptmann Kissed My Forehead. He asked when he was going to see me up on stage again. He said I was so "zany" and great to watch. I realized that I had to ask myself that same question. I did a reading of a comedy at the Dramatists Guild the other day, with all these Broadway people, and they were so complimentary, that it did make me not only miss acting, but also feel I have some confidence left in me somewhere. I shoot the film this Sunday and am hoping to meet with another filmmaker about the possibility of doing a new project. It's good to be feeling better. And it's even gooder that it's Friday. TGIF.

Surrender

2006-01-18T20:35:00.000-05:00

Notre Dame Cathedral, Montreal

This is one of my best pics from the vacation. Very hard to describe the wonder and peace of sitting in this cathedral. Calming, but intense, having just watched, "The Passion of Christ." Okay, Mel, we get it. I do not say this to demean anything or anyone. But that is one story that just doesn't any additional shock value.

I feel like I have had a plethora of wisdom coming at me from every direction. One was in an episode of, "Iconoclasts," airing on Sundance. Brian Grazer (big-wig producer) was talking about surfing as a passion of his and why the movie, "Blue Crush" was produced. He said, "If you are in the water and you panic, you have approximately 10-15 seconds of oxygen. If you surrender to the wave you have 45 seconds of oxygen, enough to come out of it." I have started applying this to pretty much everything. Just surrender. Don't panic. I have gotten passed the first phase of the DGA Assistant Director application process. I am told not everyone gets past this stage. Who knows. I do know I have to take a 4 hours test in February and there is nothing you can do to prepare. Just surrender. I consider this a trial run. If I don't get in, I can always do that acting thing.

Hissy Fit Over

2006-01-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

The Biodome

A Monkey In The Biodome. Picture 3 out of 222. He wouldn't sit still.

My apologies for the rant yesterday. I haven't made any phone calls yet to upset me.
Above: some more pics from Montreal.

Last night I went to the screening of AMC's new show, Hustle. The show has been on primetime in Britain and premieres in the states (for at least 18 episodes) starting Saturday. The acting is fab, the plot stays ahead of you, it's funny, the camera shots are unique and fun, and the music (which is composed by one of the Fiennes brothers) accentuates the whole "cool" tone of the thing. Think Oceans 11. I met all of the actors who are delightful and nice. The African American actor is supposedly pretty famous over yonder and does musicals! I guess he has quite a fan base here too. The woman in it is very sweet and gorgeous (not a flaw) and was talking to us about how she shot that episode two years ago right out of drama school and she was nervous about kissing a guy on it and her chest broke out into hives. I laughed because that is what happens to me when I get nervous. I also chatted with several writers, including a writer on The Sopranos, who said as I was leaving: "You are very old-fashioned." Um, what? "It's a compliment." Ok. Thanks. "Aren't you sick of people telling you you're fuckin' beautiful?" Uh. Well, thank you. Julie: this is like that compliment I give to you and Amanda about being "unique looking." :) I also was able to flirt with a bigwigs Irish boyfriend. So sweet and there is something about that accent. He works for Pepsi. Oh, and I got a Hustle money clip. So proud of Jan for landing this AMC gig. I was very impressed last night. And with her show it ain't gonna be no co-production. World Premiere all the way. I better get an audition.

Is Everyone Retarded?

2006-01-09T14:08:00.000-05:00

Yes.

I actually came into the office in a good mood. Five minutes later: I am told that I cannot have my hand surgery for six months because it is considered a pre-existing condition and will not be covered. One of the big perks of getting this job was the benefits...I go to fill a prescription for a muscle relaxer today and they want $100. I tell them to keep it. So if I could afford to pay the 1 billion dollar deductable on everything....who needs the f'in insurance-just pay out-of-pocket!! My appeal will be this: A crazy crack-addict robbed me and tried to cut my hand off, can you make an exception? I am sure the answer will be "No." God Bless America.

Ten minutes later: For the past few weeks I have been trying to apply for a grant online. Except it won't let me save and proceed...when I try to do so it says, "No Data Found." The smart people at Verizon are saying that they have opened my account and can do it just fine. Well, good for them cause I can't. Just finished by 456 email to them.

2 hours later: Go to pick up a postcard mailer from Sir Speedy. Not ready. Come back. They look like shit and nothing is centered. They suddenly need us to send it a certain way, I get attitude from someone in my office, go back to Sir Dickheads, explain to the morons that it has to be centered and that they have probably down this same card for a different show about 120 times before.

I have a headache. Happy Monday.

I do get to go to an AMC screening tonight of one of their new shows and then off to see a screening of, "The Producer's." Fun is in sight.

Burrrrrrrr.

2006-01-05T11:34:00.000-05:00

Downtown Montreal

Yes, folks it was a bit chilly. After a balmy holiday season in NY (and being exhausted from Christmas), I didn't even pack snow boots! That did not, however, stop us from sledding on a tube backwards down Mount Royal. It was a crazy hill and a crazy good time. After we were completely frozen, we went to a chalet and drank real hot chocolate. We actually had to put sugar in it! There were snow dogs, people cross country skiing, dumbasses sledding down stairs... and adorable little kids getting pulled along in their sleds. All of them pretty much reminded me of the little brother in "A Christmas Story" and how he couldn't stand up with all the crap that his mom put on him to go out in the snow.

The snow in Montreal was clean (not the slushy ass that you see in NYC) and the city itself was clean as you can see from this picture (a hallway leading into the subway):

That's Jan by the way. And she speaks French. Although, pretty much everyone outside the U.S. speaks English anyway. Hmm. What does that say about this country? Anyway, more pictures and posts to come on Montreal. I definitely have the traveling bug.

A Dramatic Weekend

2005-12-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

Still shots from the film, "Among Friends"

Our next shoot date is January 8th. Can't wait! I had a wonderful weekend of theatre. As a Christmas gift, my friend gave me a ticket to the MET to see An American Tragedy...my first opera. The human voice is truly a marvel. I also saw Brokeback Mountain. I can't believe that it lived up to all the hype, but it did. The subtlety was so refreshing, which is a tribute to the actors and director. With Wyoming as a backdrop, the beauty of it brought tears to your eyes.

Sadly over the weekend, John Spencer died. I had the opportunity to meet him once. He was an honorary board member of Abingdon Theatre Company. Jan had the pleasure of spending some time with him on the set of The West Wing, as well as at his home. It was quite obvious that everyone adored him. After he shot a scene a couple times (he was on a cell phone and entering from out on the street, into the building, onto an elevator and then down a hall), Jan said, "John, that was so great." He replied, "Really? Do you think so?" He had about 50 people on the set watching his every move. I can't imagine the pressure. And to still be so humble (after an emmy award and millions of dollars) to ask, "If that was okay." That story really touched me. He was a wonderful actor. He will be remembered as that, but more importantly, as a genuinely kind human being. R.I.P.

Getting Some Meaning Out Of The Holiday Season

2005-12-14T15:57:00.000-05:00

I have decided to read more about Tai Chi. The philosophy is basically: you are where you are suppose to be. ...Or something like that.I discovered it in the book I just finished entitled, "A Million Little Pieces." Amazing book you should check out-and not just because Oprah said so.

Yesterday, I turned down the artistic internship at Manhattan Theatre Club and I am okay with it. Unfortunately ,(as I wrote in the thank you notes) financial reasons take precedent when you're living in this city. At Abingdon, I get benefits, more money, and flexibility. So I will not stress, I will be. Whatever than entails.

I'll find some direct quotes from Tai Chi later. 'Cause it be a lot more eloquent than what just went down in this post. Word.

And in the midst of all the BestBuy ads, and Macy's hoopla, and the newest Ipod available...it's hard for me to see any actual meaning in this time of year. I think it becomes harder and harder as I get older. This particular poem touched me for obvious reasons.

A DIFFERENT CHRISTMAS POEM

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white
transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe.
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light.
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red,! white, and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?"
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

Author unknown.

The Coffee Guy

2005-12-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

...is a mexican man with silver teeth. I get my cup of joe from him every morning. It's only a buck and I love the fact that his vendor wagon sits right in front of Starbucks, where as you know, a cup of joe (depending on if it's a latte, a machiato, an expresso, with a shot, without a shot, with soy-you get the point) is approximately $100.00 and some change. So my guy, although we have never formerly introduced ourselves knows me. I know this because he is always friendly, asking me how I am, we chat about the weather, etc. I should say before I even get to this point, I am always, always behind someone that is doing their grocery shopping at this vendor wagon. They get one of each donut, forty cups of coffee, four bacon and egg bagels, and on and on...So it's my turn, after the banter, I ask (I still ask) for my usual and everyday he says, "sugar?" I say, "no." Everyday he tries to put it in a bag and I say, "no." And everyday he insists on giving me a napkin. It doesn't matter if I want one or not. Then at the very end and this is my favorite part, he gives me a thumbs-up. It's one of the cutest things ever. Today, I actually returned his thumbs-up. Right back at ya. Then as I was walking away smiling, these bums asked if I would come over and give them a kiss. And...the moment is over. It's very dangerous to smile in this city. It draws way too much attention.

The Winter Blues

2005-12-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

Eugene and Phil

My friend, Eugene is Mr. Shady and Mr. Random. He is babysitting this creature through a pet service he belongs to. Who knew. I would watch just about anything for the amount of money they are paying him. Even Piss-Crusader, Julie.

Rough week, Ya'll. I started my development job at Abingdon just in time to head the expansion campaign. I.E. mailing out 1400 pieces of mail...and mail-merging letters. UGH.

I am extremely concerned about money right now. I guess the holidays tend to do that to people. And not to mention a gym membership, singing lessons and therapy money due soon. My agents don't help my stress level either saying that they cannot submit me for TV/film/non-musicals...cause two out of the three of them have not "seen me" in a play. They say I am a wonderful actor, but an actor who sings, not a musical theatre actor. I plan on being a jet-ski and leaving them in my wake when I become rich and famous. Fuck them. Sorry, but really, fuck them. She said they can't even give there "exclusive" clients Broadway auditions. I wanted to say, "That's your problem. Sorry you obviously don't have enough clout!!" But still, there is no other feeling than someone telling you that you "can't."

Random sightings:

Two five year old kids walking around Rockefeller Plaza drinking RED BULL???

A guy with a seeing eye dog (German Shephard) greeting me in the elevator at Manhattan Plaza holding a beautifully wrapped package of homemade chocolates. He said he was excited that he was giving this Christmas gift and that it was the beginning of the holiday season. All smiles (Like the Phil, the iguana). Talking sweetly to his dog. All the crusty old doorman actually greet him with genuine affection and tell him, "Good Morning." I want to follow him.

Peace and Love.

Sunrise and Sunset in Montauk, NY

2005-11-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

What an amazing planet we live on. It was great to get out of the hussle and bussle of the city this weekend. I had a nice, relaxing weekend in Montauk. Walked on the beach, ate some delicious Thai Food (Yes, I am broadening my OHIO palette...I even had shrimp rolls!), slept, and went to Montauk Point and hung out with the fishermen. The skies were incredible and I immediately felt a sense of peace being by the water. I got a full body massage and was told (by the second person in one week-the first being my singing teacher) that I need to get rid of this tension that has taken a hold of me. So I start Yoga on Thursday. Sincerely, Pretzel.

I sang for my agents tonight...and felt good about it. They needed a "reminder" of what I sounded like...whatev. Will my ridiculously expensive singing lessons pay off? To Be Continued...I also started taking over for the Director of Development at Abingdon this week. It pays...AND I get benefits. Looking forward to getting my hand fixed in January. I also have an interview at Manhattan Theatre Club tomorrow for an internship position in the Artistic Department or Business Department. It would be a great experience...and supposedly pretty competitive. I continue shooting the film December 11th. Can't wait.

Goal: To have a house on the beach in East Hampton with an open invitation for all my pals.

In The Movies

2005-11-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

I think I figured out what my calling is...to be a movie star, okay, well, at least be in the movies. I began shooting an independent film on Sunday. It was such a fabulous experience. And this sounds stupid but it was so "real." Theatre is completely different in a sense...you are in a "fake" location. Sitting in the park on a cold, metal bench with graffiti all of over it, I was just "being." Of course, portraying my character, but in a different way than I do on the stage. It seemed less "made up" somehow. My senses were alive...I felt the cold, I squinted from the sun, I watched an old dog try to walk...all of these melded into my person. I felt so alive. "If we allow ourselves to accept the outer reality of where we are, then our inner reality will match it" (The Camera Smart Actor). My favorite moment of the day was walking in this graveyard, stopping on my mark by the grave stone, looking down, as the sun was just about to set. The DOP (Director of Photography) called it the magic hour. Afterwards, I was able to look in the camera at the shot...awesome. Even though they wouldn't allow me to wear any makeup (I am sick at the beginning of the movie)...I didn't mind so much because I really felt like I was this character. And when I looked into the camera at myself, I really felt like I belonged in there...and maybe someday on a big screen.

Will it rain frogs?

2005-11-16T09:25:00.000-05:00

So I am a bit concerned with the weather lately. I enjoy the mid-60 degrees that we are having today, but it does make me think somethin' ain't right, folks. So we have earthquakes, hurricanes, random tornadoes (and a tsunami) pretty frequently now and the fact that it is 60 in mid-November. I mean I ain't know meteorologist, but dats just not right. Could it be that we are FUCKING UP THE PLANET? Okay, now I will stop writing in weird, abrasive, southern dialect....

The reading of The President and Her Mistress rocked. It was packed with people (including a lot of my pals) and it was just FUN. And believe me, not all readings are fun. Some suck ass. I got to climb on a ladder and speak in many different voices. People keep telling me I should do cartoons. Um, agent?? Danton Stone was also in the reading...he's done a ton of TV, film, theatre...he was brilliant and I think a big part of that was because he was having such a great time. The reading, my friends comments to me, (and Danton) renewed my faith a bit in being actor.

He's Off!

2005-11-08T13:11:00.000-05:00

My brother left on Saturday for Iraq. I just got an email from him. He's somewhere in the middle of the ocean. It will take the ship about a month to get over there. He will be teaching Criminal Justice (his major) on the way there and on the way back. So proud of him.

In other news, I just finished up "Good Mourning, America" at Queens Theatre and The Culture Project. Awaiting the feedback...there were a couple theatres looking at it and Eric Bogosian was also in attendance. Good crowd and they seem to have stuck with it. My question is: do people really want to see plays about 9/11?

In a completely different genre...I begin rehearsals on The President and Her Mistress, a comedy in which I play a nanoprobe. What is that you ask? Come see it and you'll find out!

Feeling a bit like my pal, Julie: tired and depressed. Bogged down. Back kills. Etc. Going back to therapy for a couple of sessions...that is, until I can't pay my rent. Ah, the trials and tribulations of existing on this planet.

I Ask You.

2005-11-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I worked my ass off for an audition, and didn't even get to read. The girl who did get to read was a homely looking thing of about 5 feet with an ingenue dress and character shoes. My agents told be they wanted "earthy" and "punky," so I wore a jean skirt. Riiiight.

Then off to my massively expensive singing lesson. I am thinking at this point what is the point. She says I have a beautiful instrument and can't believe that I haven't had any formal training. She doesn't want me to audition for a couple months (no problem there) and focus on my vocal training with her. "You can work a lot" she says. But the question is, do I want to go through this BS time and time again. It's just depressing.

In better news...the play I am assistant directing opens this Friday. It makes me laugh, so check it out: "Daniella Uses Dirty Words"

I am in Queens all day Saturday rehearsing then doing a reading (of a play that I really can't say I enjoy-for numerous reasons that I won't get into). It's soldout in Queens and hopefully it will be when we do it at Culture Project on Monday. Supposedly there is a lot on industry coming and perhaps a famous playwright or two. Hey, its some extra buckage, what can I say. I do think I need to start screening what I agree to do from now.

Alright, alright. End of bitch session. I'll end on a warm, fuzzy note:

Now on display in Washington. Does Washington deserve this piece of preciousness?...okay, okay enough.
Peace and Love. Peace and Love.

Abingdon Gala 2005

2005-10-25T12:59:00.000-04:00

Abingdon Gala 2005

It was mucho fun. Julie Halston, "The Hostess," was amazing. And was even more amazing when she introduced me as having the best dress of the evening. Best moment was when Lucy Arnez looked over and accused the piano player of using a metronome (it was actually a leak in the theatre ceiling that had been dripping the entire evening). Joanne Beretta acts a song like no one else. T. Sean Shannon came in three seconds before he was suppose to be on stage and pretty much bombed, which is sorta funny in itself. And the Piscopos rocked it out with their rendition of "New York, New York. Austin Pendleton is probably still wandering the streets (but he was suppose to be on stage). Although, of course (and you know why I say this if you know him), he made an entrance at the restaurant. The restaurant was beautiful...great food...and hardly anyone bitched about where they were seated. All in all very successful.

Nichole and Ry's Engagement Party

2005-10-19T22:12:00.000-04:00

The Happy Couple

So cute. The party was splendid. Lots of good food and friends. We even had a black lab running around...a little like old times. I made a teary toast and made an ass out of myself, but someone had to do it, right? Oh, and got some great footage of my Gram. I swear she could be a comedian without even trying.

So anyway I quit a show today. Sleeping Beauty. I was standing there with a wand in my hand saying, "What in the samhell am I doing??" I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown...no kidding. I quit. I have never done anything like that before. I learned a couple of things: I will no longer do something I don't want to do (i.e. doing a show for the sake of insurance). I will probably have to pay out the ass for doing this since I was under contract. But, what the hey. Somethings just aren't worth it, right?

Love

2005-10-07T21:58:00.000-04:00

My Gram and Gramps at their eightieth birthday party

I want to be like this at 80 years old. My grandparents are the best on the planet. They listen to me, they make me laugh, and they are such an inspiration to me. I can't wait to see them at my bro's engagement party in a few weeks.

In other news...I had a meeting with another casting agency (having turned down the internship at Binder Casting where they were offering peanuts...like cashews or something, which can be expensive, but for 40 hours a week, not enough. Would my landlord take some cashews for rent, etc.). This one was a WAY different experience. After a while the woman stopped writing down my conflicts and said, "You are so ambitious. How about you get back to me in January." YES! This would be during pilot season. And would save me from going insane from my fall schedule. The internship is a flexible schedule and I would much more involved in the casting process. Also, she asked me for an acting resume and wants to contact my agents to see what I would be right for. Wouldn't that be ironic? Applying for an internship and I get an acting gig.

I had a rough night last night. I had to see "War In Paramus, or as I like to call it, "War In My Anus." I didn't get the part that I really, really, no really wanted. Though I come to realize that it is not much of a part. Nonetheless, because I have to work on the show (audience services) I have to attend practically every performance. So seeing the final dress last night was no picnic. The girl who got it is fine. Really. And then I saw the playwright tonight who said, and I quote, "You were really great in this. I mean that." WHAT? Then..um..why am I not up there?? But I was gracious, and offered my congratulations. One never knows, do one? Don't want to burn any bridges. Even though, as we all know, it is tempting at times.

Spots O' Age

2005-10-05T16:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday, Kermie

In honor of Kermie's Birthday (he's 50), I thought it time to divulge the fact that I have an agespot. ON MY FACE. I believe this maybe even surpasses Julie's current findings (a few gray hairs). Wonder how Miss Piggy looks these days.
Sincerely,
Tramatized

Templand-Day Two

2005-10-04T16:27:00.000-04:00

The day started off with me being invisible or people not watching where they are going. I wanted to bankhand a few people on the way to work this morning.

Performing mundane tasks at work, but mostly just personal stuff. This sweet woman that I am working for is so sweet (and so pregnant I am surprised she isn't freaking out because of hormones) and wants me to put these papers in order and alphabetize them in a binder (it takes me twenty minutes)...she says that I don't have to finish it today and not to rush. I have literally made three (Pfizer-related phonecalls) and that's it. WHAT ELSE WOULD I DO besides finishing the binder? Okay, the pregnant woman I was just talking about just screamed, "I'm hungry. Why is no one sharing their snacks!?" LOL. Cute.

Anyway, some brilliant email quotes of the day:

Julie to Me in a conversation that quickly got out of control regarding workman's comp: "I'll give you a fucking sticker to put on your Special helmet. ;)"

Me to Faughnan in a conversation about me enjoying a mochaccino from Pfizer's flava coffee machine (a two step process by the way): "I am going to name my first born, Flava."

And 20 minutes to go of DAY TWO in templand. Peace.

Is There A Bug?

2005-10-03T10:36:00.000-04:00

Going Around? My throat is a bit scratchy. I went to Jamba Juice this morning and got my fav, "Orange Dream Machine" with immunity. They messed it up or something weird was floating in it and she wanted to make me a new one. SO...they ended up giving me the original size, instead of the small one that I ordered. I love when that happens. A little more bang for your buck. A pleasant surprise.

The people I am working for at Pfizer are so nice. It turns out that this is the group that Sandy Ratcliffe (Abingdon Board Member and who I went to the Dominican Republic with) is in. Although she hasn't been in the office yet. I have to say, I have been really lucky at Pfizer. As an added incentive, I have done three Pfizer-related things since 8:45 am (it is now 11:00 am).

The weekend was fun. Went shopping with Faughnan on Friday afternoon. A glorious fall day. My purchases: Nine West Cloud 9 Boots. An Armani Exchange Shirt. Faughnan's purchases are too numerous to mention. ;) She is a holiday freak to say the least. She thinks she is a witch. Saturday I went to the gym, and then to Julz's Bday party. She is a whopping 28 years of age. I gave her a homemade gift cause my ma always said that was the best kind. (Maybe that only applies to gifts given to parents.) Then I ate again with Guy and Jan at the new Theatre Row Diner. A very scary, acne, pussy man was our server. Like I should talk. Going to get some new zit stuff during lunch today.

Sunday was a beautiful day. Perfect weather. Did mostly work in the morning, met up with Stayce (a newcomer/student to NYC...and a crazy ass spelling of her name, Stacy), went to a rehearsal (a ten minute play I just turned down), had a meeting about Daniella Uses Dirty Words, and then watched Curb Your Enthusiam...one of the funniest sitcoms I had seen in awhile. Where have I been since this show has been on the air?? Two Thumbs Up. WAY up. Check it out. I mean it.

Sucked In

2005-09-29T14:03:00.000-04:00

You'd think we were wasted. Sadly no.
I have been officially sucked into the computer. It is now 2 pm. I will walk away. I just took on another acting job. I must be on crack. It is only a ten minute play though performing at Manhattan Theatre Source. A very groovy playwright wrote it. I start a temp job tomorrow for the next seven days. Today is my last day of freedom. BUT not computer freedom. I will dedicate Pfizer hours and Pfizer dollars to the blog. I am walking away from the computer now. I have learned a lot today: like how to downsize photos (thanks Julz), movie times, some news, and well, yeah, that's about it. Word.

BuzzBuzzBuzzBuzz

2005-09-27T11:52:00.000-04:00

I am a bee. I feel like I have a goal (i.e. like making honey...and maybe stinging the occasional midget soccer player), but I get side-tracked. I buzz around landing on random things and then fly off again. But instead of getting annoyed with this schizo-ness, I have decided to embrace the sidetrack...for aren't all the sidetracks in your life actually 99% of your existence. I know that this is WAY too deep for this early in the week, but I must reflect on all my sidetrack items this week, which include: collaborating on a final script that we will use for Daniella Uses Dirty Words. I start rehearsals October 17th. My first job as Assistant Director! Mucho excited, especially since my friend, Julz is dramaturg and my friend, Jen has a role in it. I also begin rehearsals for Sleeping Beauty as The Good Fairy. Yes, that is right. I basically approached the role (in the audition) like quirky, Kristen Chenoweth in Wicked. I adore her. I actually got a free glass of wine a couple weeks ago because the bartender thought I was her. Maybe I should market that somehow...I also continue to work on my film, Among Friends, which will begin shooting (God willing) next month in CT. Wait. I shouldn't really say these are sidetrack items....for I am an actress...an arteeest. So I am not starring in a Hollywood film right now, or headlining on Broadway at this moment, but at least I am doing creative things within my chosen profession, which actually is pretty damn cool actually. Okay, these are the sidetracked (pleasefortheloveofGodmakesomemoneysoon) items...temping at Pfizer, selling advertising, being an Audience Services Associate (actually this job I like because I am talking to people about theatre)...oh, to pay my rent. And my unemployment is frozen pending an "investigation" that I refused a job from my temp agency. Bastards. You would think I was getting a thousand dollar check every week. Alright, I swear that this will be my only self-indulgent post this week. What a stream of consciousness. I could end this post by saying we should live in the moment, for the moments are our life. So we are not exactly where we thought we'd be, but, at least we be. Okay, that was gross. I am creeping my self out. Off to the gym with me.

BOB

2005-09-10T19:07:00.000-04:00

Happy Saturday! You cannot beat the weather in NYC this weekend. It kicks it. Unfortunately, I was in the theatre all day. I had Playwright's Group from 10-1 and then was Audience Services Associate from 1-3, where I schmooze my buttcheeks off. Then I had to nap. Here is the opening of my new play, entitled, you guessed it..."BOB" and here he is, folks!................

BOB
My name is Bob. I sell happiness. As you can imagine, I am a very rich man. To clarify, I am in the business of instant gratification, not the long term consistent type of happiness and/or contentment that you might achieve, well; say if you were Paris Hilton. I think I read that she owns 633 pairs of shoes. I own these.

HE plops his worn-out Reebok Hi-Tops on top of the bar.

You might say that these are “like way 80s man.” And you’d be right. But the sneakers nowadays scare me.

HE is having trouble getting HIS foot off the top of the bar

Ow. Actually, stores scare me. I’m okay in the grocery store, except in the frozen food section where I am racked with chills which leads to my seizures. But apparel type stores? No. No way. Any clothing that has ever been on my body someone else has picked out. Hence this Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt. Do I look like I should be wearing this Abercrombie and Fitch shirt?

SHE shakes HER head slightly

No. Which leads to something that kills me: people who buy things for you that are the exact opposite of what you’d buy for yourself. Like this t-shirt. This t-shirt is gay. I am not some 18 year old pansy college frat boy who pretends to like those girls who they run through the sprinklers with in that catalog. And you have to buy their catalog. Catalogs fall under the title of “junk mail.” You don’t pay for junk mail. Name-brands are a crock of shit. Please let me pay you an insanely high price so you can have free advertisement so other people can buy your crappy clothes. My sister, Sissy is a label whore and she’s fat, so she tries to squeeze her fat ass into the miniskirts of all these hoochy designers. I keep telling her that there is a reason certain designers don’t make sizes above a 6. Now you might ask, why don’t I sell my fat sister a bit of happiness? That’s very presumptuous of you, isn’t it? Because she is fat means she is a sad, horrific human being, right? Nope. She’s “cheerful” 24/7. Not happy, mind you, happy I can deal with, happy, I like, but cheerful? No. Because it’s that fake kind of cheerful i.e. jolly, “I’m 400 pounds, but I am “fat and jolly” kind of cheerful. That’s why I can’t be around her…ever. If she comes within a 15 mile radius, the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stick straight up. And then, yep, you guessed it-the seizures.

Very loudly:

SO.

HE chugs the rest of HIS beer. And then normal voice:

My prices obviously vary according to the categories of happiness. And I will stress again that this is instant happiness. I will not be responsible for the long-term effects that the said-happiness may or may not have. For example, if you decide to go home afterwards and drunk dial your fiancée and tell him you like to dress in baby clothes and suck on giant lollipops and play doctor with your step brother; I will feel nothing. And if you call me telling me something other than you want to place another order, I will hang up. There is also no whining or crying. If this is done, I will call the authorities and they'll arrest your ass for harassment. Here's the questionnaire...

HE takes a waded piece of paper out of HIS pocket, unfolds it and places it on the bar

The questions you need to answer are as follows: Nickname. I don’t want your real name. Ever. What is your happiest memory to date? “First lay” is the number one answer here, and since we are not playing Family Feud, if you could provide another answer besides that one I could really appreciate it. I really get fuckin’ sick of reading the same answers time and time again. I mean where the hell is the variety, the eccentricity, the abnormality? I do hope you will learn from the mistakes of the past. Orgasm, shmorgasm. Blah blah blah. Next is what kind of car you drive. Now unfortunately too many of my lower class clients, they either have no car, or they have what I call a white-trash hunk of junk crackmobile. I will not ride in said vehicle nor associate with anyone riding in said vehicle.

AMY
That won’t be necess---

BOB
Excuse me. So if you need to save me, and yourself the embarrassment, I will write down a place where my clients get a pretty good deal and you can rent a Beamer or a Jag for a day. Those are both very acceptable and don’t even go there with me on the label whore thing. Cars are completely different. I think we both know that.

To be continued...

Open Fever!

2005-09-07T18:25:00.000-04:00

A pic from my new camera...US Open 2005

I'm obsessed. I get up and immediately turn on USA. There is basically 12 hours of tennis on per day, folks. I have been to the Open twice this year and would sell my soul for some finals tickets. The highlight of my visit to Flushing Meadows was seeing John and Patrick MacEnroe warming up. The pictures I took suck (I blame the lighting), but I know who they are. I have managed to escape the grips of my TV (for a few hours anyway) in order to continue my hodgepodge existence consisting of: selling advertising, being an audience services associate, house managing, assistant directing, acting, writing...I figure if I touch on every possible profession, I am bound to come into money someday...which is really all I care about at this point...no, seriously. (I am not asking for a lot, mind you, just enough to see a tennis final.) Coria is playing Ginepri and they are in the fifth set...gotta go!

The stage is not merely the meeting place of all the arts, but is also the return of art to life. --Oscar Wilde

2005-02-04T11:00:00.000-05:00

Only one hundred and fifty more things to do before I leave. Constant busyness lately. Of course, all of my friends from out of town come to NYC this weekend, shows to be seen, drinks to be drunk, socializing to be social (??).

Opening night of Texas Homos was FAB. Tons of people I hadn't seen in a while. Great food. Great music. And, oh yes, I wore pigtails and a cowgirl shirt. I know, that's hot. I sat right behind the dude from The New York Times. (Review not yet out.) It was the best I had seen the show. The energy in the theatre just crackled. ...A great play and I am not biased just because I know Jan. Sure, it's about homos, but it is also about human interaction and love and self-denial and all those other goodies that we, as humans, are forced to suffer through.

On to the laughs: Seeing Fordidden Broadway tonight and Dame Edna tomorrow, and an Acapella Group that my friend has joined (well, this shouldn't be funny per say, but you never know). Then Sunday I am off to Portland to do NO EXIT

I'll leave you today with this quote from NO EXIT:

You are---your life, and nothing else

A Faughnan Lunch

2005-01-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

Traci and I went to lunch at Better Burger today. The idea is to make you feel better about eating cow and pig and whateverthehell is in a hotdog. Safe to say, I had a veggie burger. Next time I'll get extra cheese. My pal, Traci got....wait for it....AN OSTRICH BURGER. That's right, She eat an ostrich. I found this unbelievably disturbing. I tried to focus on my vegetables and "better" fries. Then I told Traci, jokingly, "I think I see a feather." In which she replied, "My coat (a down) keeps shedding feathers." This made me laugh cause then I actually did see a feather. I laughed for a second and then immediately got grossed out again. But way to go Trac, for trying something new and different! People from Ohio don't do that much.

The Pfizer Winding Down...

2005-01-28T15:22:00.000-05:00

Traci and I at the (free) Pfizer Thanksgiving Luncheon
...and what the hell are we looking at?...why are we wearing sunglasses?...and why are we so serious?...scary

The luncheon was to demonstrate just how much diversity was in the department (this was my old department by the way). Different people from different origins made all sorts of food...Of course, I stuck with the usuals, well, actually not the usual, cause I hate turkey now, okay, I think I had some bread and a cookie.

Next week is my last week at Pfizer. Things I will miss (in no particular order):

1. The stable money.
2. Lunch with Faughnan (and various needless shopping expeditions).
3. Free Food.
4. The Cap Machine with real FOAM (saved me mucho money on Starbucks).
5. Free Time to surf the net.
6. The Color Printer
7. An Abundance of Office Supplies (i.e. cool pens and post-its).
8. Time to Blog
9. Hundreds of emails per day back and forth to Julz

...Um, that's about it. Mostly, I was just unchallenged and bored. This is a good step. After all, the reason I am leaving is to go ACT, what a concept...so...Portland, here I come!

TGIF.
Peace.

Grande Wackiness

2005-01-27T11:09:00.000-05:00

I visit Starbucks somewhat frequently so I know the terminology if you will. My "usual" is a grande, no-water, soy chai. Maybe a bit more specific than some other people's orders, but I don't think it oozes over the top and causes stares, mouths to gape...like the woman I was staring at this morning. I honestly couldn't tell you what she ordered. I do know it was a grande something. But it was like gibberish...something foam something something... And then she looks at this girl and says, "Oh, well, she knows what I like, she usually makes it for me." Meanwhile, the girl swiped my card because I never have enough cash for Starbucks because it is RIDICULOUSLY expensive especially in the Big Apple. And she entered it as cash and then she said, "Don't worry about it." So I have no clue if I was charged or not. Then I precede to the "pick-up bar," where steamy, high calorie drinks await. I am waiting with three other ladies all bundled up in fur, strangely enough, they weren't together. There was a drink on the bar. "Is this one mine?" "No, that one was a mix-up." Then a small cappuccino appears, the lady next to me says, "I ordered a grande." Then some icy drink appears. Then the lady on my other side says, "I ordered a mocha." The girl behind the counter shouts, "OH, my God." She is literally unraveling before our eyes. Then the girl (i.e. the girl that knows how to make the special gibberish drink appears and starts dumping maybe a gallon of FOAM into this huge cup puts a lid in it and gives it to the lady (she wore a furry hat). But before she places the lid on, furry lady actually felt the weight of her beverage, like it was some massive nuclear science project. Finally, my drink comes up, although luke warm because this particular 'bucks didn't have any heat. Oh, it's only 11 degrees out, who needs it! I walk over to put the nutmeg and cinnamon in my chai (yes, I know, I am wavering on the obnoxious here), when along comes fur hat, gibberish, foam lady and asks me to pass the cinnamon. Will she ever leave? She has been here longer than I have. 45 minutes later, (alright 10 minutes later), I left. I am sure the mocha girl is still standing there.

Is Anyone Ever Really Content?

2005-01-26T11:58:00.000-05:00

Even cows aspire for more. There seems to be a trend lately (at least among my friends) of depression, lack of motivation, and just dog-tired. The beautiful snow that fell upon the city a couple days ago has now transformed into dirty slush that lie in pools at each crosswalk. Lovely. Is it the weather? I heard a couple days ago that Saturday, January 22 was the most depressing day of the year. Jesus God, we are only 26 days into the new year, so what does that mean? I guess it is all about perspective. Like I am not doing too bad compared to this poor schmuck. It could always be worse. Let's me thankful for what we do have, shall we. Yeah, yeah. BlahBlahBlah.

PS This is the last post about my sadass case of the BLAHS. Promise.

Me in Cat Form

2005-01-20T15:58:00.000-05:00

Picture compliments of Julz

This is how I feel today. I don't know why. Weather? Me leaving town for nine weeks? Maybe not having a job when I come back? Me having to memorize a million lines? Me feeling like I am catching a bug. I dunno. Gonna go lie down in my cat food.

Meow.

Okay, someone seriously just farted in the office next to me. That made me smile.

My Pals

2005-01-18T14:27:00.000-05:00

So the cellphone has not yet taken over my existence. It seems mildley handy as of now, but I am sure it will become mucho handy when I am in Portland. Some of my fav comments from loving pals in response to me getting a cell phone:

Not sure I can handle that bit of excitement. Ride that techno wave into the future. Great to have the G-parents leading the way. ---Jack, (i.e. Jim)

Cool club for grand-parents and grand-daughters. GOOD FOR YOU. Now just don't go over your minutes and owe a lot of money at the end of the month. Like someone you know, haha, Ryan. ---Gram and Gramps

I have put your new cell phone # into my cell phone! The Mountains Sing, The Oceans are Still, The World is Alive! Lori is Reachable!!!---Bacon (i.e. Hugh)

OMIGOD... ----George

Someone grab me some ice skates because hell has indeed frozen over!!!!! A cell phone? Are you feeling ok? ----Joy (not my roommate, the other one)

Hee. You crazy kids.

Tagged

2005-01-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

Tagged
Because Julie made me, a stoopid survey:

3 names you go by:
1. Lo
2. Naise(e) (the parentals)
3. Lor

3 screen names you have:
1. naisee2
2. (n/a)
3. (n/a)

3 things you like about yourself:
1. Sense of Humor
2. Loyalty
3. Ability to do strange voices

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. Boobies
2. Difficulty in staying motivated/focused
3. Too sensitive

3 parts of your heritage:
1. German
2. French
3. Bart Simpson

3 things that scare you:
1. Not reaching my goals
2. Losing people I love
3. Work sucking the life out of me

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Bra
2. My NEW cellphone :)
3. Concealer

3 things you're wearing right now:
1. Plaid Abercrombie pants
2. Boots from that I wore in high school
3. My Swiss Army watch that my friend Kief gave to me because he realized it was a girl's watch.

3 of your favourite bands/artists:
1. Indigo Girls
2. Dave Matthews
3. Salt N Pepa

3 of your favourite songs at present:
1. "Defying Gravity" from WICKED
2. "Never Gonna Get It" by En Vogue
3. I am such a showtunes geek. I really should listen to the radio more...um..something by U2?

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Skiing
2. A new singing coach
3. Taking Classes in film/tv

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Loyalty
2. Humor
3. Intelligence

2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
1. I was J Lo's understudy in "Oklahoma."
2. I was Molly Ringwald's stand-in.
3. I want a monkey as a pet and have since I was a kid.

3 physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Cute and Sparkly
2. Nice bod
3. Nice eyes

3 things you just can't do:
1. Eat salmon
2. Lie about something important
3. Like Julie, be able to tell where I am (i.e. directionally challenged).

3 of your favourite hobbies: (blogging isn't a hobby, it's an addiction)
1. Singing
2. Running
3. Reading

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Pee
2. Leave work
3. Sleep

3 careers you're considering:
1. Director (theatre/film)
2. Anyone on a film set
3. Full-time actor

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Out West...going in May!
2. Ireland
3. Venice

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. Cleo
2. Sparky
3. Sylvie

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Travel
2. Be in a feature film
3. Discover something brilliant

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Traci
2. Mom
3. Gram

Can You Hear Me Now?

2005-01-11T14:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes you can. Everyone: Meet my phone. Phone: This is everyone.

This is it, folks. I am at a crucial stage. I have to figure out how deep I want my relationship to go with my phone (whose name is yet to be determined). Do I want wallpaper, do I want different rings for different people, do I want Ms. Pacman? Do I even want to go there? Any advice from you cell phone owners (which has to be everybody on the planet by now)would be welcome. Some additional questions:
1. Will the phone help me with me calling people back in a timely fashion?
2. Will the phone allow me to connect with long lost friends?
3. Will the phone cook me a nutritious dinner?
And finally,
4. Is it possible to spend most of your life trying to figure this thing out?

Help. It's all so overwhelming.

Blogger Am I

2005-01-11T10:30:00.000-05:00

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What kind of blogger are you?

Well, I don't blog about everything...;)

Resolute This!

2005-01-07T14:04:00.000-05:00

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Play in rush-hour traffic.

Get your resolution here

...Should be pretty easy in this town.

2005! Whoa, dude.

2005-01-05T14:31:00.000-05:00

Where does the time go? New Year's Eve rocked. I went to a party at the theatre. I got to choose all of the music for the disco room, which contained a disco ball (of course), numerous lighting effects...I even had a lighting cue. My IPOD (I am convinced this is my most favorite thing ever) never let me down. The sound was amazing. There were a couple of requests that I could not fulfill though like one for Marvin Gaye?? I said, (to the freaky little vest man who actually came up into the booth with me) "How the hell do you dance to Marvin Gaye?" There is no mooshyness at my partay. Sammy took crazy candid pictures of people and I viewed them on his computer a couple nights ago. Some will give me nightmares for months. The big moment of the evening was, as Jan called it, "The Floor Show." I'm like, "Jan, we aren't strippers." Kim, Jan, and I opened with the "Shoop" song by Salt-N-Pepa. It was hysterical. I sang two songs (minus RAP). I have to admit I was pretty nervous to be on the mainstage in the spotlight with a microphone, but they liked me. Jan sang a funny French song, in which Eugene, before she began, slapped her in the face (all part of the act). Tee-hee. Pam sang from a show she just finished. And Cynthia/Jonathan, my favorite transgender friend wrote a New Year's play and Jan cast audience members in it. It was AWESOME. This guy/girl is so freakin' talented. After the show, we brought in the New Year with a bang dancing to rockin' Irish version of "Auld Lang Syne." Around 3:30 I thought my feet were actually going to burst into tiny flames and fall off, but other than that, a very kickass evening. Happy New Year, Folks!

...Now back to the groove...and work...and focus. Resolutions: More focus with career (have been sending my stuff out there), use my connections, audition, sing more and find a singing teacher (have one in mind), and learning these freakin lines for NO EXIT. Whew. Pfizer dollars at work. Boss back Monday. Eek.

Christmas Crescendo

2004-12-29T15:48:00.000-05:00

The Sagamore, Lake George, New York

Jan and I started out Christmas Eve Day to Connecticut. I opted for this, the other option being "Christmas Eve with the puking Hegners (including cats)." About ten minutes before we arrive at June Havoc's (i.e. Dainty June, i.e. Gyspy's sister), I find that I have completely misunderstood how the evening would go. What I thought: We were picking up Tana (June's assistant) and going over to Tana's "Big Italian Family" Christmas Eve. What was actually happening: We were going over to June's (same June) and I was going over to the party with Tana and Jan was staying with June all night. Wait, I am going to go to a Christmas Eve party where I "sorta" know one person? I thought you understood, blahblah...a soap opera director/producer (who I have been trying to get into see) will be there...great opportunity,blahblah. Okay, fine. I have accepted the fact that I will be a wallflower, perhaps with some festive holly, but nonetheless, a wallflower. My intention of wallflowerdom was impossible. I was grabbed right away my Tana's Italian sister and kissed and pushed into the kitchen for introductions. An hour later I was sucking down pasta, ignoring the massive amounts of fish (of course), and having a conversation with an actress/director and the infamous soap opera director. Two hours later, talking to a Jeff Goldblum looking character who is a television producer in LA. Three hours later, in Church next to an Irish guy (who was related or knew someone at the Italian house) who is making me laugh, a crazy guy sitting in front of us, and a little girl (from the Italian house) on my other side. There are certain people who provoke "the giggles" in church. I was surrounded. However, being very different from my church in the city, we actually sang carols. Oh, and I swear the priest was gay. Is that possible? Got back to June's around 1:30 AM, had brunch the next day with June, Tana, and Jan, and we are off to Yonkers. The Brouwers are an amazing family. Everything was, of course, delicious, lots of great conversation (including many Nebraska stories, Jul) and we sang carols around the piano. Back to the city for a quick nap and then to see Slava's Snow Show. One word: Unreal. Clowns, bubbles, snow...lots of it. The best part was when it became really windy in the theatre, opera music, and then a SNOW STORM. You get covered. It was truly awesome. Afterwards, we played with these enormous colored balls that were bounced around the theatre. It was great to see all these parents acting like their five year olds. The next morning: off to Lake George, a winter wonderland to say the least. We drive into the town and no one is there, not a soul. Why? Because it is like 10 degrees and beginning to snow. There are mountains, the lake (of course), and snow. Spectacular. Who wants to be there when it is 90 and crowded. ;) The room was amazing. Fireplace, overlooking the lake, the snow falling. A massage at 4 pm, followed by the sauna, steam, pool, jaccuzzi, table tennis (in which I got clobbered), Ms. PacMan (in which I didn't get clobbered), some lessons in Fuseball, great beer called, "Sagamore Ale," pouncing through the snow (some crazy fall down an icy embankment...I had no traction, my friend tries to help me by pushing on my butt and loses balance and slides all the way down the hill, much like a cartoon character...hee hee), room service...ah, Merry Christmas to Me. Then off to Chatham to our friend's amazing country home where it is 6 degrees, clear skies, stars, moon, and a hot tub. And the denouement: crazy Rugby Paul, who I wrestled with nonstop. (Rugby is a dog by the way.) A very different Christmas this year. And now the decrescendo...well, at least till Friday.

A Christmas Story

2004-12-17T11:19:00.000-05:00

My friend, Traci and I went downtown to do a few little "simple" Christmas errands. Well, as many of you know, nothing is simple in New York City. I meet Traci outside around 5 and much to my surprise it isn't *that* crowded. We wander through the bizarre in Union Square for awhile looking at the overpriced, reallycoolthingthatwouldbeagreatpresentforsomeonebutwho
ohforgetitidon'twanttospendthatmuchanyway. We decide to find the Union Square Theatre where I am to pick up tickets for a show. We ask some vendors, one of whom actually said in his thick, New York accent, "Well, youse in the right place." "Well, yeah, I figured that buddy, since we *are* in Union Square. Chug some more eggnog." Finally, we find it, I get up to the box office, there are two tickets remaining in the orchestra. I exclaim, "I'll take 'em." I reach for my wallet. GONE. NOT IN MY BAG. This is when I begin cursing my grandma. Yes, my grandma. She asked me to pick up drugs at the Pfizer store, I did so, and on the way back up to my cube, I put my wallet in the bag. The guy, we'll call him, "Bitchy Queen" wouldn't hold the tickets. Merry Christmas, you dirty bastard! Traci and I (and now it is really freakin' crowded, ah, rush hour) chug back uptown to Pfizer to get my wallet. Anyone else would have killed me (i.e. Julie, Jan), but Traci was like, "Oh, okay." Got it, ate chocolate kisses all the way back downtown where I am pressed against people on the train. Traci tells me this story about when she was on a really crowded train and this guy was pressed against the doors-there was no where he could go-and when they opened the doors he FELL out of the train. On his back. On the platform. This made be hysterical allowing me not to think about what a dumbass I am to have left my wallet. We get to the theatre and Bitchy Queen still has the tickets. I exclaim, with one arm raised above my head, "I'll take 'em!" Our next stop is Paragon Sports to buy a gift. Of course they don't have the size, but wait they have the size in blue, but I need it in black, and we have 29 bathing suits in receiving that we can't find, can you come back, no, can you wait, yes...after about an hour (we came, we left, we came back), they find the size and color per my request. For anyone needing a black speedo, yes, they do have them in stock now, so get get yours today! Fast forward through craft supply stores (per Traci request), Container Store, Rocket Wrapps, Food Emporium...to the cookies. I am not a cook. Or a cookie. The laziest thing available right now in regards to cookies are these sugar cookies, already cut and decorated that you just put in the oven. However, you do need a cookie sheet. We have a pie pan...sure, that'll work. Frosty's head attached to another Frosty's head and so on...until they were a dozen conjoining heads. It was sad really. But tasted yummy nonetheless. And then, well, the finale of the evening and of the show, "The Apprentice." I am glad Kelly got it even though he is a boy and has the name, "Kelly." And Good Night.

Jingle Bells?

2004-12-13T10:58:00.000-05:00

This is my church. I went to a Christmas concert here on Friday night. It was a monsoon here in the city. I am too cheap to take the subway, so I walked from my apt on the west side to church on the east side. Needless to say I got soaked. I was already pissy, and totally NOT in the Christmas spirit when I arrived. Plus, it was 15 bucks to get in which seemed wrong to me, especially since everyone that goes to that church lives in their Penthouses on Park Ave. But, I was willing to pay it in hopes of being injected with a hyperdermic needle full of Christmas goodness.

As we all settled into our pews, the glorious choir began to sing from various places around the huge church. They were like angels singing, seriously. There were also some brass pieces, an organ, a piano...all playing beautifully (not by themselves, of course). Stephen, the minister came up and talked about what the evening would entail...and this is when I knew we had trouble. It was like we were at a funeral (which I guess was semi-true), but I kept looking up at these huge banners in front that exclaimed, "REJOICE!" As far as I knew, "rejoice" seemed like a positive word. Just to be sure, I looked it up. Rejoice: To feel joyful; be delighted. So why was this the most somber place I could be at the moment? There were readings, there was more singing...all taking on this same sad "tone," if you will. I began to doodle and write notes to Hugh on my program. And then, FINALLY, we sang a carol, an actual carol that I knew. AND it was somewhat upbeat. Hark! the Harold Angels Sing! Boy, did I sing the bejeezus outta that one. Jan, who was seated on my other side had her eyes closed the whole time (she has a bad cold), so we weren't sure if she was sleeping or just trying to mellow-out. She claims that she was awake and that we were being loud. The truth is, I did want to stand up on my seat with a giant bell and scream, HO HO HO!

An hour and 20 minutes later it finally ended and we got treats. This sparked Hugh's idea of having cream puffs for communion. Hugh and I explained to Cathy (one of the new ministers) that this would be a great way to get people in here off the streets. I also suggested a low-cal cream-puff for those of us who have to watch our girlish figures. She seemed excited about the idea (which is how I interpreted the convulsive laughter).

Note to self for next year: No concerts unless "Rudolph" is part of the program and bring Game-Boy. Note to Christ Church: I know you are smart, I know you are rich, I know you have a plethora of talent (that you pay for), and I know that you want to show off that talent. But, you can do four-part harmony to Jingle Bells.

Amen.

Let It Blow

2004-12-06T11:44:00.000-05:00

Oh, Monday, Monday. Thought this cartoon was very appropriate.

Three weird things I saw on the way to work this morning:
1. A trail of hospital supplies (i.e. germ mask, IV bag) on the street, like some patient had escaped from the ward.
2. A woman wearing a bicycle helmet, a long black fur coat, and high heel boots riding a scooter down 42nd St. Non-motorized.
3. A bum IN a small fountain picking out pennies.

And now, for your holiday entertainment, a email conversation with three of my crazy friends.
Princess: So, you got BEEF with XMAS do ya??
Kirbs: My kids are confused enough about the whole We're-Jewish-but-we-go-to-Daddy's-family-for-Xmas thing. My husband keeps looking for Hanukkah lawn ornaments. Sheesh.
Schmoe: The whole Kirby Chranukistmas is something to behold. I think the lord Jesus Christ, His holy son our father, would be proud of you both.

Amen.

To Be Freaky

2004-12-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

After meeting in front of the "stupid bank," (we call it stupid because all of the apparel stores in the neighborhood are being replaced by banks). Actually banks are pretty smart. Had Wendy's (for the first time since watching "Super-Size Me") and went to Duane Reade with Traci who was buying a farting, singing Santa. And that wasn't even the freaky part. We were in line to pay and suddenly this women enters yelling something about, "Wait, till I get through the door!" and stomps through all of us. Two seconds later the man (who she was arguing with) sticks just his head in the door and yells, "Idiot!" To which she replies, after his head is outside again, "You're mother is a fucking idiot." Everyone laughed. Ah, the holidays in the city. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

When I ask my friends how to cope with the freaks and the freaks in Santa hats, I get responses like these:

Traci: Hunker down and ride out the insanity
Julie: Hibernation. It would be nice to be able to eat all we wanted and then live off the fat and emerge from our dens skinny, though, wouldn't it?

Ponder Away.

Thank you for your advice Traci and Julie. And Julie I dedicate the use of the all those parentheses to you. Merry Christmas.

Holidays On Ice

2004-11-30T13:22:00.000-05:00

If you haven't read David Sedaris's book, "Holidays On Ice," I highly recommend it. He talks of his adventures in Elfland (as a holiday elf), his sister bringing home a whore for Christmas...good stuff. And it takes your mind off your own holidays ill, if you have them. Maybe if I dress myself up like Santa and stay in my beard and hat until January 1, I can be 100% pure goodness and avoid (i.e. hide from) everything else that is scary and unchristian-like.

Turkey day was fine. I was in Charleston (what a great, RICH, city). I look at families a little differently now. Each child, wearing designer clothes sits atop the shoulder of the handsome dad, who holds the hand of the mom in ugly, 500 dollar pants. Is this real? Well, the ocean was. Something that is constant, calming. I walked along the shoreline with my Mich Ultra contemplating the world and coming to the conclusion that nothing makes sense. What's the Chaos Theory again?

Yes, this could be the crack talking.

Oh, To Progress

2004-11-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

I am Progressive Girl
Click on the picture below to read more:

Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

Snicker

2004-11-19T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Top Ten Things that made me snicker this week (in no particular order...maybe next week there will be some David Lettermanesque way of doing it):

1. Jen throwing up in a plant. (And some girl scoring a really nice blazer.)
2. The Drunk Video. About a policewoman pulling over a drunk driver and the test turning into a dance audition.
3. Traci hysterical in the Hallmark store.
4. Jan. On a daily basis.
5. Julie. On a daily basis.
6. My grandparents and the ebay episodes.
7. My gram saying she never sleeps (she only "rests").
8. T accidently sending a sacrcastic email about "knifing casting directors" back to the sender.
9. Maria getting fired on The Apprentice.
10. After everything that has happened with my mom and I finally talk to her...she is peeing on the phone with me. Some things never change.

Blonde Jokes

2004-11-18T13:03:00.000-05:00

Since I am not a real blonde, I am posting these. Actually, even if I was, I'd still post these. I used to be blonde when I was little, but wasn't everyone? And now a little light humor:

The girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy,Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

AND ONE MORE...

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and
screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams; pushes her ankle
and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "Your're not really a redhead,
are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

This Is Not A Political Post

2004-11-17T14:55:00.000-05:00

1. Dubya is looking right at this woman's tits.
2. This woman is scary and evil-looking.
3. This was the front page of cnn.com.

In other news...on the quest for work pants. Bought some at Old Navy last night with Julz, but I am not sure I am keeping them. I misunderstood how much they were. Are they worth it? Is anything worth it when I am this bloated? Yes, it is "the time." I feel like ass. I can't tell if I need to lose weight or this is girly crap. Regardless, I will be gyming it tonight. Traci and I had two helpings of bread pumpkin pudding with butterscotch sauce, so that didn't help matters. But, hey, at least I am not on the cover of cnn.com with the President looking at my tits. See, I told you this wouldn't be a political post. I'm over it. I really am.

Oh, To Be A SuperHero....

2004-11-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

TO CREATE YOUR OWN SUPERHERO FOLLOW THE:
link

Oh, just do it.

Blue State, Red State, Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

2004-11-12T09:45:00.000-05:00

Compliments of WW1 via email. Oh, yeah, and WARNING: bad language, and oh yeah, read my blog disclaimer, you know, I make no excuses....read on. Then we will move on. Promise.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep. And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really? Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our
backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it?

We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred ears" dickheads. Fuck off. Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it's a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. The next dickwad who says, "It's your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That's right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It's too easy, asshole, they're blue states. It's not your money, assholes, it's fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let's talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It's fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that's right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that's just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula.

Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning,hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou,hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.Fuck off.

High on Cold Medicine and Monkeys

2004-11-11T14:40:00.000-05:00

I do believe that monkeys, by looking at one, or just plan acting like one can give you the feeling of being high. The question my friend, Julie and I would like to ponder today is: Are monkeys efficient? See banter below:

JULIE: I'm high on Tylenol cold. Last night was sudafed. It makes me sleepy. Now I'm in high, loopy, goofy mode. I could be a monkey sitting here. A monkey could get this much work done.
LORI: So are you saying that you aren't getting work done? Or that you are being efficient like a monkey?....
JULIE: Are monkeys efficient? I never noticed this before. I am not getting work done.
LORI: They seem efficient when they are getting bugs off each other's head.
JULIE: Point taken. Monkeys are efficient when it comes to grooming and bug picking.

And so on...

Yes, Julie and I are both high on cold medicine right now. Which is ironic and not to mention highlighted with elements of seredipity considering the monkey conversation...Which stemed from being high on cold medicine. You get the idea. The two main problems are this: Julie is running like a fountain and my back and neck are tighter than...well, they are just tight. I don't know what I do at night when I am sleeping. Perhaps rock climbing, or mud wrestling with Puff Daddy. I just don't know. Anyway, survival is key here. My belief is we will make it, Julie and I. I'll leave you with Julie's new rendition of an old favorite:

Rudolph the red nosed monkey...had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw it, you would know all it does is blows. All of the other monkeys, used to laugh and call him names...they never let poor Rudolph, join in any hot monkey sex.

Oh, Canada!

2004-11-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Canada,
I'd like to offer you a deal. The 'blue' states in the union will join
Canada for protection from the 'red' ones. You see, if you let us Bluies join Canada the benefits you would enjoy would be enormous! Think of it! You'd get the fashion and financial capital of North America, New York City; you'd get a LOT more shoreline around the Great Lakes; an extensive Pacific Coast including sunny
California; the home of great pizza the Cubs, Chicago; and a tropical vacation spot in Hawaii just to name a few. You'd rake in on the monuments alone; Golden Gate Bridge, the Statue of Liberty, Paul Bunyan Land, the Sears Tower, the new Freedom Towers, BOTH sides of Niagara Falls!, eh?!!? How's that sound? I know you want it. You just have to ask, and it's all yours. So I ask you to consider my plea. I've enclosed a proposed map as a visual aid.

Thank you for your time,
A Nervous and Concerned US Citizen

This About Sums it Up....

2004-11-04T13:55:00.000-05:00

Compliments of my friend, WW1:

I'm blue, just like the TV map of the state I
live in...

A Bit Of Advice...

2004-11-03T15:41:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent this to me today. A letter by Dean Bakopoulos:

Dear Friends,

I am writing this morning with a lead weight in my chest, and I imagine most of you are feeling as down and defeated and depressed as I am. When I feel this way, I tend to start typing, and I thought I’d share these thoughts with all of you, in case you need a shred of optimism to emerge from the bright glare of what looks to be a defeat . Maybe some of you have the map of Canada on your kitchen table and are thinking long thoughts about Halifax and Moosejaw. Some of you probably stood around with your family and neighbors this morning like I did, trying to pretend that you were not crying over an election.

What happened yesterday was this: The Republicans finally achieved their long-held goal to use fear (of Muslims, of homosexuals, of minorities, of terrorism) and fundamentalism to get poor people to vote for the causes of the wealthy. It worked. Mission accomplished. The arrogant invented a crisis and the ignorant rallied to be saved from it; it’s the oldest form of power play in the world. I could talk about the sadness and folly of this vote all day and all night, but you already likely feel the same way.

So, what next? It’s clear that we were not able to change enough people’s minds on issues like war and health care and civil rights; so now we have to turn to their hearts. This will be a long struggle and we may not see the results in our generation. This will not be as easy as getting out the vote and raising money on web sites and reading blogs and forwarding e-mails; this will be an effort of major proportionswe need to defeat the forces of fear and fundamentalism, and we must do so with intelligence, creativity, and compassion.

Obviously, there are no easy steps to take or tangible numbers to crunch. But I am writing to urge you this morning to keep doing what you do: write better stories, make art, play music, read and publish great books, preach sermons about peace and justice, raise your children and grandchildren to be tolerant and to think freely, work for better schools, save lakes and rivers, protect the oppressed, give to the poor,spread the wealth, worship gods of love and compassion, turn the other cheek and love thy neighbor. Challenge injustice. Challenge authority. Challenge yourself.

As a wise writing teacher once said to me: “You do what you can.” Why am I writing you this feel good hooey on such a sad day for any peace-loving, freedom-loving American? Do I really think it’s that simple? No, of course not: but we have to start now, today, to defeat fundamentalism and the politics of fear. And I don’t think the way to do it is for Democrats to stand up and say things like “I’m against gay marriage too” or “I will destroy these terrorists too”. Because I think we need to reach out, to put our words and our paintings and our music out there, our values and our beliefs, and keep spreading them, person by person, until wechange the hearts of the nationaway from the greed and fear that now controls everything, and towards a new enlightenment. We’ve had enlightenments in the past in this nation, but they take years to build, and have no maps or well-defined paths.

But retreating now is impossible. It’s our country too.
If you believe in God, it’s your God too.

Do what you can. And then do a little more.

In peace and solidarity,
DB

What The Hell.

2004-11-03T11:48:00.000-05:00

I am in shock. I am in shock that we have to live another four years with this schmuck. I am in shock about the amount of money that was spent on this election and how we are in the EXACT same place we were at the beginning of this long, nauseating campaign trail. I am in shock that I am from Ohio. I am in shock that America is so unbelievably divided. What The Hell. It scares me. It really does. Hopefully, I can write a more intellectually challenging post after I recover.

It's Almost Over!

2004-11-01T13:42:00.000-05:00

I cannot imagine living in a swing state and watching the attack ads every night on TV. I'd scratch my eyes out. This pretty much sums it up:

Hee.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2004-10-29T16:08:00.000-04:00

I just rented "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Friday The 13th" for Julie and I to watch tonight. Our friend Peter is in "Friday The 13th" (the one I just saw in "God's Daughter") So we plan on laughing pretty hard.

Hugh called me today and was sitting outside smoking a cigarette on his lunch break when suddenly I hear all of these kids in the background screaming and laughing. He says, "Shut up, it's not Halloween yet. Oh, look they are all dressed up like overweight Americans." It struck me as funny because all week long I have been gathering obesity statistics for my boss.

On my way home from the video store, I notice this short yellow school bus stopped at a light and in the window is a piece of paper colored in crayon that says, "Vote for Kerry or Die!" Underneath the message there is a picture of a mad face. LOL. Oh, and if you haven't seen Eminem's video go to:
www.gnn.tv/content/eminem_mosh.html

Going to the Halloween parade on Sunday with horns and a tail...guess I'm a devil Both of which Julie got with her wings...for her "Staten Island Fairy" costume. Oh, and: BOO.

God's Daughter and the Boston Red Sox

2004-10-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

First, the curse is broken. I believe it has been 86 years! 86 YEARS. To be honest, I only watched the last inning. Sorry they couldn't have celebrated in Boston, but I am sure they will receive a warm welcome when they return.

I saw Abingdon's, God's Daughter last night. Very well done. My friend, Peter, plays a man struck with Alzheimer's. He is touching, funny, sad...a truly wonderful performance. All the mooshymishymosh aside... My favorite moment of the play involves a squirrel (not actually seen onstage, but in my mind he looked something like this):

I was telling Jul this (my pal and the dramaturg on the show) and she asks me which part I like best:
"A squirrel came into my room last night and sat on my face." "And he believes that squirrels and ... Lutherans are trying to kill him." "The squirrel came back last night. The one that sits on my face. He brought friends. He's a sneaky one. The Lord says something about that, the Lord says something about that..." The squirrel has an arc, baby.

And yes, he does have an arc. Wow, he totally has an arc. I respond that I like all of those moments, but especially the first one. That is when our friend is introduced after all. I have said it once and I'll say it again: You cannot go wrong with squirrels. Seriously. They are just automatically funny. Much like children and dogs. Anyhoo, The Times was there, so I hope for a good review, and one that hopefully (if the critic has any brains) mentions the brilliance of "the squirrel."

Go Sox!

2004-10-21T13:15:00.000-04:00

So I couldn't say that on the streets with fear of getting shot, or at least pushed into a pothole. I am SO happy the Yanks lost. I'm sorry, but no one person or team needs to win that much. They need to eat a big slice of humble pie. And if I had to hear the chant, "Who's Your Daddy" one more time...I finally had to turn the channel. It's worse than that OHHHHOHHHOHHH chant that the Braves' fans do that makes me want to scratch someones eyes out.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I didn't watch the whole playoff series. Just the last two innings of Game 7. What more do you need? Alls I gotta say is, "Yanks, you got spanked. And now who is your daddy?

Go Sox.

Ugh.

2004-10-19T16:22:00.000-04:00

Why am I in such a rotten mood? Could it be that I am working on DEATH statistics at Pfizer? Could it be that it is cold and rainy? Could it be PMS? Regardless of the culprit, I will most likely kill someone by the end of the day (at least in my head).

Pet Peeve: When people (that you don't know) sigh or yawn really loud in an elevator with you. It's like screaming look at me, oh poor me, ask me how tired or discontent I am. PLEASE.

Like I care. I have my own problems, pipsqueak.

Uh, yeah.

My Halloween Costume Idea or A Typical Email with Julie

2004-10-14T13:51:00.000-04:00

Lori: Maybe I will be an ass.
Julie: How would you dress up as an ass.
Lori: I could be a donkey and then carry around a hole.
Julie: LMAO. Pun intended. Where are you going to get a hole?
Lori: That's the problem, holes usually aren't just "isolated holes."
Julie: I like the idea of "isolated holes," tho.
Lori: But how could you do it artistically?
Julie: A little round piece of black construction paper, perhaps? It's Halloween. It doesn't have to be artistic. However, my guess would be sew a velvet pouch and either sew it or glue it to a round wire. Kind of like a butterfly net, but with black velvet. Voila, hole.
Lori: And carry the hole! Nice.
Julie: Dude. I'm good.

The End